


There's No Going Back

by DiNozzos_Probie



Category: NCIS
Genre: Betrayal, Fear, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hope, M/M, New Beginnings, Other, Regret, Trust Issues, changes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:27:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27028075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiNozzos_Probie/pseuds/DiNozzos_Probie
Summary: A year after leaving his life and friends behind, Tony returns to DC to a less than warm welcome. Overdue conversations are had and Tony is forced to face some painful truths, and questions he cannot answer. Can he undo the damage to his most valued friendships, or should he just walk away for good? Will they forgive him for leaving? And what game is Ziva playing? Who will be there to pick up the pieces?
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo/Jethro Gibbs, Ziva David/Anthony DiNozzo
Comments: 22
Kudos: 107





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I did something I had never done before. I quit watching midway through Michael's/Tony's final episode and turned the channel. Forcing Tiva and "the kid" was a bridge too far for me and I had to shut it off. This is MY take on what happened, so to hell with canon or timeline. Also for the purposes of this story, McGee is single and living in his old apartment. He and Delilah are just dating. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or recognizable places. I am making no money from this and no copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Warning: No beta! I appreciate con-crit, but leaving flaming or super picky comments DON'T HELP. Please be kind.

* * *

Gibbs finished stacking the lumber for his latest, yet-to-be-determined project. Lowe's was having a sale, so it was never a bad idea to stock up on 2x4s and plywood. He had loaded down the bed of his truck with as much as it would hold. It took several hours to move his haul from the truck and down the stairs to the basement; man handlin foot sheets of plywood solo was a daunting task.

Bags of nails, screws and other essential hardware sat scattered on the workbench. Building materials for a project was the only clutter he allowed anymore; life was much simpler and less painful that way.

Gibbs was a creature of habit. Rare weekends off meant that except for trips upstairs for coffee refills at fairly regular intervals, he would be found in his basement sanctuary. From dawn until dusk, he would throw himself body and soul into a project. From the planning and design stage to completion, it didn't matter what he was building. All that mattered was the familiar and comfortable process. He didn't have to think or feel anything; he just had to do it.

He heard footfalls above him and wondered who dared to intrude so late on a Saturday night. It had to be Fornell coming to drink his booze and bore him to death with the details of his latest failed attempt to replace Diane. It was the last thing he needed; well, almost the last thing.

Out of habit, Gibbs poured nails from a small jar and was about to replace them with a healthy serving of bourbon when he heard a familiar voice. A shiver ran down his spine.

"No thanks, Gibbs. Bourbon isn't really my thing these days," the voice crooned as its owner drew closer.

Gibbs set the empty jar down and turned slowly to see his former second in command standing at the foot of the stairs. He looked like the Tony he had known and worked closely with for so many years, only considerably older and slightly terrified. He looked nothing like the version of the man who nearly hugged the breath out of him when he came to say goodbye. Gibbs crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the workbench. He assessed Tony for a few moments before grabbing a broom propped nearby in the corner.

"DiNozzo. What brings you here?" he asked as he began to sweep the floor.

Tony frowned at the clipped tone of Gibbs' voice. He didn't know what to expect from his former boss, but frosty open hostility was not it. Gibbs didn't offer a smile, a welcoming hug, or even a hand shake. Tony thought they had parted as friends, but he was seeing no signs of friendship.

"Uh, just thought I'd stop by and see you while I'm in town. I'm only here a few days," Tony replied.

"That so? Where's the kid?"

"At home, with my dad. She's getting big, you know. Looks more like her mother every day," Tony reported.

"That's great, DiNozzo, but it's late and, as you can see, I'm kind of busy," Gibbs interrupted. He went back to sweeping, moving farther and farther away from his visitor with each pass of the broom.

Tony moved to stand in front of him.

"Gibbs! Stop, and talk to me," Tony demanded.

"Talk to you? About what? What do you want me to say?" Gibbs asked.

Gibbs was not prepared to have any kind of an in depth conversation with Tony. He was still emotionally raw from being abandoned. It felt like a betrayal that would never be resolved. Certainly not tonight. Tony packing up and leaving hurt more than he ever wanted to admit to anyone, especially himself. Dr. Taft came close to getting him to open up about his feelings, but Gibbs had done a masterful job of tap dancing around his queries.

It had taken the better part of a year for Gibbs to start accepting his "new normal". He felt burdened with a new team that was missing its heart and soul. Due to age and a history of getting shot and blown up he had to face up to some physical limitations, which meant turning over a lot of the tough guy work to Nick. That was hard for a proud Marine to take.

Gibbs had accepted McGee as his SFA, not that he was given much of a choice in the matter, but he doubted he would ever be in sync with him like he had been with Tony. Even after more than a decade of working with the man, Gibbs felt he hardly knew McGee. He could trust him on the job, but outside the walls of NCIS was a different story. Never once did he expect McGee to show up at his house, unannounced, with a six-pack and a pizza.

"You could start by saying, 'Hey Tony, you look good'. Or 'Hey Tony, it's great to see you' and maybe give me a hug or at least shake my hand and tell me how you're doing," Tony replied.

Gibbs furrowed his brow at the hurt in Tony's voice, though his regret was fleeting. For just a moment he felt bad about being so dismissive, but then he remembered why Tony left in the first place.

"Fine. You look good. Now can I get back to work?" Gibbs demanded.

Tony huffed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Why so hostile, Gibbs?"

Gibbs turned slowly and glared.

"Hostile? You think this is hostile? Let's see, Mossad drags a kid in, says she's your daughter, with Ziva, who we had just been told had been killed, and you just accepted it. No questions, no proof. You just packed your trash, and the kid, and took off for Paris. Never mind the rest of us you ran out on. And now Ziva starts showing up here alone with some bullshit stories, doesn't really mention you or the kid, gets us all involved in her latest drama, nearly getting both of us killed, and now here you are - alone. You walk out on all of us, play family man for a little while, then come back here like nothing's changed," Gibbs shouted.

Tony looked down at his feet.

"Yeah, well it all happened pretty fast. I didn't know what to do," he replied softly.

Gibbs was livid. He tamped down the urge to break the broom handle over his good knee. Instead he marched over until he stood toe to toe with Tony. His knuckles turned white from holding the broom in an angry death grip.

"How about coming to me? How about letting Abby run a simple DNA test to make sure the kid was even yours? Or telling me years ago that you and Ziva had been fucking around? Nice job getting around Rule 12, however you did it. She was gone a long time, DiNozzo, and you sure as hell were not celibate that whole time. God knows you paraded enough women around, and I doubt that Ziva was living the life of a nun. So she hides a kid from you for three years, then supposedly gets killed and, what, suddenly you're father of the year? Now you're this tight little family, even patching things up with your dad? Sorry, not buying it," Gibbs shouted.

Tony stood fast and gaped at Gibbs. There was no talking to Gibbs when he was like this. Tony was damn near an expert on dealing with Gibbs and his many moods, ranging from his default setting of mildly cranky to pissed off, but this was something different. This wasn't about work; whatever was eating Gibbs was personal. He wasn't sure if it was anger or hurt that was fueling Gibbs' hurtful tone, but he'd heard enough.

"Right. After you treated me like shit and shoved me away, after I saved your life - again - I was supposed to come and talk to you? Yeah, I tried that and you didn't want to talk to me. Remember? You blew me off, but you had plenty to say to Dr. Taft and then some lady shrink from what I've heard. I've been trying for years to talk to you and find out what the hell your problem with me is," Tony growled in response.

"Yeah, it's always been about you, hasn't it? Poor Tony with his daddy issues and designer suits."

Tony shook his head. Those blows landed and hurt.

"Wow, I guess coming here was a huge freaking mistake, and for the record her name is Tali".

"Sure. Whatever," Gibbs mumbled dismissively and turned his back on his uninvited guest. The rasp of the broom on the concrete floor signaled the end of any further discussion.

Tony turned and slowly climbed the stairs. Gibbs followed several minutes later and did something unheard of … he slammed and locked his front door. After tossing back a couple of healthy shots of Jack Daniels to calm his ragged nerves, Gibbs prepared for a sleepless night. Tony's visit, as brief as it was, rattled Gibbs to the core.

* * *

"Aaargh," McGee grumbled. He threw the covers off, belted on his worn but comfy flannel robe, and marched out to find out who the hell was pounding on his door at 0-stupid-thirty in the morning. After stubbing his big toe on the corner of his gaming desk, he turned on a lamp in the living room and limped gingerly to the door. He peered through the peephole.

"What the hell?" he mumbled under his breath before opening the door. "Tony! What the hell are you doing here? Do you realize what time it is? It's 2:30 in the friggin' morning!" McGee protested around a jaw-cracking yawn. His toe was throbbing, and he just wanted to go back to bed.

"Awww, good to see you too, Probie! You miss me?" Tony chirped with a beaming fake DiNozzo smile. He held up a six-pack of beer and shouldered his way past McGee. Tony sat on McGee's couch and screwed off the top of one bottle. The cap bounced off the coffee table and skittered somewhere under McGee's desk. He took a long pull.

"Come on, McGee. Have one drink with me," Tony begged. "Or, did I interrupt something with someone?" he asked, hazarding a glance in the direction of McGee's bedroom.

McGee shoved the door shut and scowled at his former teammate. He knew Tony wouldn't take any subtle hints and leave of his own accord, but he didn't want to be a complete jerk and straight up kick him out. They used to be close as brothers, didn't they?

"Tony. I have to get up in a few hours to go to work. You remember work, right? Some people call it a job. It's that place you have to go to everyday in order to get a paycheck so that you can pay for goods and services. Then again, a guy like you with a trust fund doesn't have to work or worry about money. You just live it up in Paris and come and go as you please, right? Well, this guy needs his job, so if you'll excuse me…" McGee said before being interrupted.

"Whoa, Probie! Are you pissed at me, too? Tony asked.

He knew everyone would be surprised to see him, but he never expected so much hostility. Maybe he should have gone to see Abby instead.

"Too?"

"Yeah, I was over at Gibbs' house earlier. He practically kicked me out. Wouldn't even talk to me. What's the problem with everyone?" Tony asked, his voice dripping with confusion.

Incredulous, McGee gaped at him.

"You're joking, right? You just take off, leave us with some bullshit explanation and a hell of a lot of unanswered questions, and we're just supposed to welcome you back with open arms?" McGee asked.

He didn't even try to mask the hurt and contempt in his voice. McGee sat on the corner of his big online gaming desk and glared at Tony.

Tony looked down at his feet.

"I thought at least you'd be happy to see me. It's been, what, ten months or so?" Tony muttered softly.

An awkward silence fell over the room for several minutes. Tony realized he had made a colossal mistake and stood to leave. It was apparent he wasn't welcome at McGee's place either.

"I'll go. Sorry to bother you, McGee," Tony said.

Tony was about to turn the doorknob when McGee called him back.

"Wait, don't go. Come back in and sit."

Tony smiled sheepishly and returned to his seat on the couch. McGee began to pace. He pulled a bottle of beer from the holder and twisted off the cap. If he was going to get through the next several minutes, he needed some liquid courage. McGee had been practicing for this very moment for months and now it was here, albeit in the middle of the night.

"I'm gonna tell you a little story. One day everything is going great, or pretty close to great. Then we find out that Ziva was killed, although it turns out later she really wasn't. We don't even get a chance to mourn her before we find out she had been hiding out for three years with a kid she claimed was yours. None of us, no one, knew that you and Ziva had been fuck buddies or whatever, so we were all a little stunned, as I'm sure even you can understand. Then, you don't even let Abby run a DNA test after Ms. Mossad marches in and dumps dead Ziva's kid on you. You just accept her as your own and take her home like it's no big deal. So, you and your dad, who you've always held out to me that you basically hated, pack up and move to Paris of all places to raise this kid, because supposedly dead Ziva loved Paris. Not to mention, you've always been terrified of kids. But now, you're suddenly super dad? Sorry, I don't buy it one bit."

McGee took a long pull from his beer and tried to calm his ragged nerves. Once he caught his breath he continued with his diatribe.

"Now we've had Ziva popping back into town, alone, with a lot of secrets and bad guys in tow. Ziva, who we all presumed died years ago. Funny that she keeps showing up here with barely a mention of you or her kid. Kind of blows the happy little family fantasy out the water, doesn't it? Anyway, she just says some shit about how someone is trying to kill her … and Gibbs! No details; we're just supposed to trust her. Same with Senior. He comes to town like we're all old buddies but doesn't even bother to tell us that Ziva's alive. So tell me, Tony, how are we supposed to feel? Hurt? Used? Betrayed barely covers it. You haven't done a damn thing to keep in touch with any of us, your supposed friends, and let any of us know what the hell is going on. After all we've been through for over a decade, nothing. Now you show up here at 2:30 in the morning and I'm supposed to be happy to see you and act like everything is fine? What are you doing here, anyway?" McGee asked.

Tony was stunned. Of course everything McGee said was true; he just didn't want to face it. It was quite unsettling that he parroted damn near every condemnation he had already heard from Gibbs.

"You could say I'm here on business. I'm sorry, McGee" Tony said.

"Sorry? You're sorry? For what? For which lie? All of them, or just the ones that don't make you look like a total bastard and a shitty friend?"

Tony stood and began pacing.

"I'm sorry for everything. Yeah, I was a bastard for taking off and not keeping in touch. But dammit, McGee, what would you have done? I was scared shitless and none of you looked or sounded like you were going to be any damn help. Shit, Gibbs had already pushed me away and barely acknowledged my existence. Then you and Bishop got all chummy and left 'ol Tony behind. The only person I could talk to at NCIS was Ducky, and he was hardly ever there. So yeah, I had to turn to my dad of all people to get a little advice. Imagine how shitty it was making that phone call!" Tony retorted before storming out the door and slamming it shut behind him.

McGee thought about calling Gibbs or Abby or even a therapist about what had just transpired, but instead he returned to bed and lay staring at the ceiling for a couple of hours until his alarm went off.

* * *

"Tony? Oh my gosh. What are you doing here?" Abby asked around a yawn while rubbing sleep from her eyes.

She opened the door to let a disheveled and slightly inebriated Tony into her apartment. He kissed her cheek then plopped down on her overstuffed couch. He loved her couch, having passed out on it enough times over the years. The clock on the wall said it was 4:50 a.m. Abby always offered safe haven when he needed it.

"Good to see you too, Abs. You got any beer?" Tony asked with a pronounced slur.

"No, and from the looks of you I think you've had enough. How about I make you some coffee instead?" Abby said as she got Tony situated.

From her kitchen she called out, "You gonna tell me what you're doing here at 0500?"

Tony dropped his head to the back of the couch and sighed.

"Gibbs and McGee both threw me out. Didn't have anywhere else to go. Stopped by Maxwell's for a couple of drinks. Don't worry, I didn't drive. Too far to walk so I took one of those Uber things here," Tony replied. "Man, McGee chewed me out but good, too. Gibbs was just plain mean."

Abby returned several minutes later with two steaming mugs of coffee, both doctored with copious amounts of milk and sugar, one of which she offered to Tony. He accepted it with a muttered, "thanks". She sat next to him and sipped hers.

"Well, what did you expect? A brass band and a parade after they way you left all of us? You hurt a lot of people, you know. We kept getting hit with bad news then weird news, and then you just packed up and left. You got played by Mossad, then you played us all for chumps. It hurt, Tony, like really, really bad hurt. I lost my best friend, and Ducky was so messed up we were all worried that he was going to have another heart attack. That really pissed Palmer off, so I wouldn't even bother trying to talk to him. Gibbs kept throwing himself into dangerous situations like he was trying to get himself killed, and you weren't there to have his six. Of course, that's regular Gibbs but this time it was much worse. Good thing Torres was around! McGee wandered around like a lost puppy and was basically useless for a couple of months. Bishop is the only one with even a little sympathy for you, but she didn't know you all that well like the rest of us before you bailed. Well, at work, maybe, but not the real important stuff...the personal stuff that matters. She didn't look up to you like a big brother and best friend like me and McGee always have. And she sure didn't look at you or care about you like Gibbs does. We were a family, Tony. A family! You don't just walk out on family like that," Abby admonished.

Tony had been taking body blows for hours. First Gibbs, then McGee, and now Abby. He wondered if he was welcome anywhere. At a loss for words, it was several moments before the lightbulb over Tony's head lit up.

"Wait! What do you mean she didn't look at me like Gibbs does?" Tony queried.

"Never mind that. You tell me, right here, right now, Mister, that there is no way the kid Mossad dumped on you is yours," Abby demanded.

Tony hung his head and stared down into his coffee.

"Can't."

"Can't - or won't? There's a big freaking difference, Tony."

Abby's tone was clipped and accusatory.

"Can't. I swear to God, Abby. When I went to Israel to bring Ziva back I think something happened to me, to us, I don't know. One night, actually I think it was the night before I left and she decided to stay there, we had a couple of bottles of wine after dinner. We were just talking. I don't remember much after that. I just remember waking up with a pounding headache, a cashmere tongue, and a whole lot of questions," Tony reported.

Tony stared off into space while Abby sat and gaped at him. She gently put her hand on his back.

"Tony, are you saying you don't know if the kid is even your daughter? That you don't know if you and Ziva even slept together?" Abby asked, managing to keep any hint of abject shock out of her voice.

Tony turned to look at Abby, his glassy eyes filled with regret and confusion.

"If we did, it had to have been then. We never, I never, broke Rule 12. I got sick of Ziva's games and bullshit years ago. I know what you all think, but no … we never hooked up. Yeah, I mean we flirted, it's kind of like breathing to me, but I swear on my favorite Gucci shoes that we never screwed around. But now there's Tali. She kind of changed everything. I couldn't just let Mossad take her. I'm no prize as a parent, I'll admit that, but I couldn't let an innocent little kid be corrupted by them," Tony said.

"But Tony, why didn't you just let me run a simple DNA test?" Abby asked.

"Didn't you hear me? So it comes back that I'm not her father, then what? Like I said, I was not just going to turn an innocent little kid over to Mossad! And if it turns out that I am her father, well, you all get to hate me for a different reason. Either way you all wrongly think there was something going on between me and Ziva when there wasn't," Tony retorted, his anger starting to bubble to the surface.

"Look, Abs, when I got back and didn't hear from Ziva for, well, forever, I forgot all about it and her … eventually. I didn't even think anything about it, whatever it might have been. I became all about the job. I figured I was home, she decided to stay in Israel, so I got on with my life. The whole time I was over there it was to try and get her to come back to the team. We were friends, or so I thought. We talked, a lot, and I swear that's all we did, not that any of you will believe me. Then three goddam years later she's blown up … dead … and I'm told I'm the father of her kid, a kid I don't know about or even remember allegedly making. Then later, miracle of miracles, we find out Ziva's not dead. I'm so confused, I can't get a straight answer out of her or anyone, and everyone here is pissed at me," Tony complained. "So tell me, what do you suggest I do?"

Tony woke late the next morning with a raging hangover. Abby had taken pity on him and offered him a place to crash. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and tried to focus on the hastily scrawled note Abby left for him on the coffee table next to two Extra Strength Tylenol and a glass of water.

"Had to go to work. Some of us still have jobs and a cranky boss to deal with. Make yourself at home. There's coffee made if you want and stuff in the fridge if you're hungry. I put towels out in the bathroom if you want to grab a shower. Sorry we didn't get to talk more. I don't think either of us was up for it anyway. If you want, we can talk later. Call if you need anything. xoxo Abby."

Abby's place was in walking distance from a host of cafes, coffee shops, boutiques, and specialty shops. You didn't need to go more than two blocks to get everything you could possibly need. There was a mom and pop grocery that he knew from past experience Abby favored. Tony thought he could at least thank Abby for putting him up for the night by cooking her a nice authentic Italian dinner.

After a shower and a couple of cups of strong coffee, Tony left to go shopping. Abby had left a spare key for him. By the time he returned, Tony was grateful that Abby lived on the second floor of the walkup she called home. He placed his parcels on the little kitchen table and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge.

With a couple of hours to kill before he needed to start cooking, Tony decided to tidy up. He found a vase under the kitchen sink. He filled it with water for the bouquet of flowers he bought as a centerpiece. They added a nice splash of color and smelled heavenly.

He had just finished folding up the blankets from the couch when his phone rang. Tobias Fornell? Purely out of curiosity, Tony answered the call.

"I heard through the grapevine you were in town," Fornell stated in lieu of a greeting.

"Yeah, just for a few days. How can I help you, Special Agent Fornell?" Tony asked.

"Need to talk to you about something. Kind of important. Meet me later for drinks at the Adams House bar? Say, 8:00?" Fornell suggested.

Fornell's call wasn't so much an invitation as it was a demand that he appear. Maybe it was all the years of law enforcement, or maybe Fornell always sounded pissed. Whatever the reason for his frosty tone, Tony was pretty sure of two things: One, it was not going to be an evening of idle chit chat, and two, he would likely be picking up the tab.

Tony agreed to the meeting only because he was staying at the Adams House and he was curious why Fornell wanted to talk to him. Getting stuck with the tab wouldn't be much of a hardship. The prices were reasonable and they didn't water down the drinks. It would be worth it to find out what was plaguing his former would-be nemesis. He just hoped Fornell didn't show up with another warrant for his arrest on some trump up charge. That schtick was getting old.

Tony had one more errand to run before starting dinner. He walked the mile and a half to Maxwell's and retrieved his rental car.

* * *

Abby arrived home just as Tony was finishing setting the table. On the menu was penne pasta with his signature marinara, pan-fried pork cutlets, garlic bread, a leafy green salad, and a bottle of red wine.

"Yummy, I'm starved!" Abby announced as she bound into the kitchen. "Anything I can do to help?"

Tony poured the sauce over the serving dish of pasta and gave it a gentle toss.

"Nope. Everything is all ready, 'cept maybe you could pour the wine."

Between bites and appreciative moans of delight, Abby talked up a storm. She complimented Tony on his cooking and peppered him with questions about Paris.

Tony was content to let her words wash over him. He missed the long talks they used to have about everything. They had very few secrets between them. Secrets that were shared were closely held. Abby was a fiercely loyal friend and Tony's most trusted confidant.

"Tony, you know I love you so you can stay here as long as you want or need," she offered.

"I know. I appreciate the offer, but all of my stuff is at the Adams House. I'm leaving in a few days. I, uh, actually have a job interview tomorrow," he replied.

Abby dropped her fork in surprise.

"A job? Where? Here in D.C.? Tony, are you coming home?" she asked excitedly.

Tony shrugged and took a drink of wine.

"Maybe. Calm down, Abs, I don't know yet. I've still have a few contacts here. I heard from one that there was an opening for an instructor at FLETC, teaching investigative procedures. Right up my alley, right? Not exactly my dream job, but we all know how that blew up. I may have other options. Have to wait and see."

"You miss it here?" Abby asked.

Tony nodded and sighed.

"Yeah. I miss you, and McGee, and everyone. I miss you guys like crazy. I even miss Gibbs smacking me. I miss my job and my life here. I know I hurt you all the way I left, and I'm sorry about that, but I couldn't stay. It had been coming for a long time. The last few years have been really rough. Tali showing up just sealed the deal."

Abby cocked her head and asked, "What do you mean it's been coming for a long time?"

"You remember the whole Barrett disaster with Cade, right? I was tasked by SecNav with bringing Cade in and that all went to hell? It was all hush-hush and secret? Well, that was pretty much the beginning of the end. It seemed like after that Gibbs stopped trusting me. Never mind that I was under strict orders to keep him, all of you, in the dark. He didn't want me on his six anymore and let McGee follow him around like a puppy. Gibbs barely talked to me, not that he's ever been one to talk, but still. Then Ziva went off the reservation. We get Bishop and I'm stuck babysitting her. Then to top it all off, Daniel Budd and The Calling make an appearance to really fuck things up. Dorney got killed and then Gibbs nearly got taken out. After that, I knew I had to leave. I couldn't pretend everything was okay. I've seen Gibbs get shot, blown up, drown, you name it too many times to count. I don't want to be around the next time when he doesn't make it back. He's like a cat who used up eight lives."

Tony ended his recitation of events by getting up and carrying his empty plate into the kitchen. Abby followed suit. Together they cleared the table and set to work cleaning up the kitchen. Abby loaded the dishwasher while Tony hand-washed the various pots and pans he had used to cook dinner. To lighten the somber mood they shared familiar old stories, most of them about how green McGee was back in the day, and laughed until interrupted by a loud pounding on the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for all of the comments and reviews … and a few ideas! I really appreciate the input. I know there is a bit of confusion over why everyone is so mad at Tony and think some of the characters (Gibbs and Ducky?) are a bit OOC, but I promise it will all be explained eventually. 
> 
> Again, this is just MY take on how things happened and to hell with canon or a timeline. 
> 
> No beta, so all silly mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Disclaimer: The usual – I don’t own any recognizable characters or places. I am making no money from this and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

“Just a minute, geez!” Abby shouted as the pounding on her door became more persistent.

She gasped when she opened the door to find Gibbs standing there looking pensive and a little sad. Gibbs didn’t wait for a formal invitation; Abby stepped aside so he could enter.

Before she could even say “hello”, Gibbs announced, “I need to talk to you … about DiNozzo.”

Abby put a finger over her lips and gently pushed Gibbs further into the living room, hopefully keeping him out of Tony’s sight.

In a whispered voice she said, “Ummm … okay Gibbs, but there’s something you should know. He’s here. Tony’s here. We just ate dinner.”

Tony walked in, drying his hands on a kitchen towel. He stopped dead in his tracks and a chill immediately settled over the room. Abby looked from Gibbs to Tony, who looked from her to Gibbs, who just stood and stared at Tony. It was an odd parody of a Mexican standoff.

Abby let out a breathy “Oh boy”, which broke the spell. Gibbs turned and looked at her with narrowed eyes and an expression of annoyance. Tony crossed his arms across his chest and stood his ground.

Smiling sweetly, Abby cleared her throat and asked, “Are you hungry, Gibbs? Tony cooked some of his famous pasta. It was really yummy and there’s a lot left over. You want some?”

It didn’t take much convincing. Gibbs had heard that Tony was a great cook, and he was famished.

Gibbs took a seat at the cleared table. Abby scampered into the kitchen and returned with a plate filled with pasta and a couple of slices of garlic bread. Knowing Gibbs wasn’t a wine drinker, Tony chipped in and got Gibbs a cold bottle of beer from Abby’s fridge.

Abby returned to the kitchen to finish washing dishes in order to avoid what promised to be an awkward conversation taking place in her dining room. If Tony and Gibbs were going to talk, it would be without an audience present.

“This is really good, DiNozzo. I didn’t know you could cook.”

Tony dropped into the chair opposite Gibbs.

“I’m Italian. We’re kind of born knowing how. Why are you here, Gibbs?”

“I needed to talk to Abby about something.”

“Yeah, I heard. You want to talk to her ... about me. So, why don’t you skip the middleman and just talk to me instead? I’m all ears.”

Gibbs grunted and turned attention back to eating. Tony took the hint and got up to leave.

“That’s okay. I was just on my way out anyway. Meeting someone for drinks.”

That got Gibbs’ attention, Abby’s too.

“Tony, you didn’t tell me you had a date,” Abby teased when she appeared from the kitchen a moment later.

Shrugging into his jacket, Tony looked from Abby to Gibbs and back again.

“It’s not a date. Just … meeting a friend.”

“Do you want to crash here again tonight? It’s really no trouble,” Abby offered.

Tony favored her with a weak smile.

“Thanks Abby, but we’re meeting in the bar at my hotel. I call you tomorrow. I have a couple of appointments tomorrow, but maybe we can have dinner.”

“Yeah, sure Tony. Call me. You got the number,” Abby replied. She tried but failed to crack a smile.

Gibbs did his level best to hide his disappointment that Tony was leaving to meet someone. He could only wonder who the “friend” was, not that he had any right to know. He didn’t like the idea of Tony meeting up with anyone in a hotel bar. Try as he might, he could not keep nagging feelings of jealousy at bay. It certainly brought the Ziva question back into play. Tony hadn’t offered any details about the status of their supposed relationship. Were they a happy little family, or was it all crap? In fact, when he spoke of Ziva the previous night it was with pronounced detachment. He didn’t mention her by name or defend her against Gibbs’ accusations.

Gibbs pushed his empty plate away and wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin.

“You need a lift, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked.

Tony responded by plastering on his fakest smile.

“Thanks, but I have my rental. Besides, I wouldn’t want to impose. Thanks for everything, Abs.” Tony kissed Abby’s cheek on his way out the door. And with that, he was gone.

* * *

“Gibbs, what the hell?” Abby shouted seconds after the door slammed closed. “Tony was right here and you just let him leave? What is wrong with you?”

Gibbs was about to protest, but Abby was far from finished.

“You two need to talk and I mean really talk. He told me you were really mean to him. He wanted to see you, Gibbs. Of everyone, he went to you first. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? He’s dealing with … let’s just say a lot of stuff”.

She was about to say more, but stopped herself. Gibbs could tell she was struggling. Tony must have told her a big secret that she was keeping closely held. That was just Abby; for all the talking she could do, she would never knowingly betray a confidence.

“Dealing with what? There’s something else, but you’re not going to tell me are you?” Gibbs asked. His voice held no judgment or contempt.

Abby looked Gibbs in the eye and saw sadness there.

“It’s not for me to say, Gibbs. Yeah, Tony shared something, something really important, but it’s for him to tell you, not me,” she replied softly.

Gibbs dropped down on the couch and sighed.

“So what do you want me to do? Tony’s a grown man. He made his decision and walked out on me, on all of us. Am I just supposed to let that go?” Gibbs asked. His eyes flashed with fear.

Abby dropped down next to Gibbs on the couch and took his hand in hers.

“Gibbs,” she began softly. “I’m going to tell you something that I probably shouldn’t. I’m not breaking a confidence, but I’ve known you and Tony forever. I see things. I know things. And … I love you both so much. Tony is in hell right now trying to hide and trying to do the right thing at the same time. He’s never said anything to me, not that he had to, but he’s crazy about you Gibbs. You. Not all the bimbos he’s paraded around for years, you. He will never come right out and admit it because he needs to protect himself like he’s done his whole life. He’s never had anyone but you, me and maybe some of his frat brothers really give a damn about him. Sure, he’s friends with McGee and Ducky and Palmer, but we’re different. You and me, we’ll go to the mat for him any time he needs us. Problem is; he’s too damn stubborn to come to us for help. Now, I don’t know how you feel, what you feel, or even if you feel, but Tony deserves to know. You don’t have to tell me, but if you care at all about Tony on any level you will come clean and tell him. He needs to know where he stands and who he can count on. Ball’s in your court, Gibbs.”

Gibbs didn’t want to believe the truth he was hearing, but he was tired of fighting whatever feelings kept percolating to the surface. He knew he had to face them, and feelings scared the hell out of him. There was a reason he was seen as a functional mute on the subject. Feelings could be easily weaponized.

“He told you all of this, did he?” Gibbs asked.

“No. I told you I won’t break a confidence. But all these years of listening and watching all of you, it’s pretty damn clear to everyone that there is something between you and Tony. You can deny it all you want. I dare you to ask Ducky. He’ll tell you the same thing,” Abby replied, smiling sweetly.

“So, you’ve discussed this with Ducky? That’s good to know. Anyone you felt like sharing with? McGee and Bishop, maybe? Or Torres?”

“Don’t get mad, Gibbs. Like I said, I love you - and Tony. You’ve both been through so much in your lives. You’re both damaged. No one could possibly understand the two of you better than, well, the two of you! You need each other, Gibbs. McGee and Bish are totally cool. They know, too. They won’t say anything to you or Tony, but they’ve both asked me if it was possible. Torres doesn’t count. Just know that the people who have been you and Tony’s family for all these years are here to support you. Tony needs to come home. You need to decide if you’re willing to step up and give him a reason to.”

Gibbs searched Abby’s eyes for several moments. Her brutal honesty and sincerity were at the fore and there was no denying it. Gibbs had questions, but Abby was obviously not the one to ask. If he wanted to know where Tony stood with Tali and Ziva, he’d have to find out from Tony.

He knew what he needed to do. He just needed to find the right time and place for the mother of all conversations. Gibbs kissed Abby on the cheek and stood to leave.

Abby walked Gibbs to the door and pulled him into a rib-crushing hub before she would allow him to leave.

“Gibbs, you know I love you. Please. Don’t let him get away,” she whispered in his ear.

* * *

The relaxed ambience of the dimly lit Adams House cocktail lounge made it a popular hangout for hotel guests. A lone pianist with a cliche tip jar played all the old standards. The bar was comfortable and discreet. It allowed for cozy conversation over high-quality cocktails. Once Tony’s eyes adjusted to the low light, he scanned the room for a familiar face.

After a few moments, his gaze landed on a lone figure tossing back a shot of amber liquid at a table tucked away in a quiet corner. Tony approached with caution. Fornell assessed Tony before motioning for him to take a seat.

Tony pulled out the thick padded chair across from Fornell and signaled to the roving waiter.

“I’ll have a club soda. Thank you,” Tony said.

“Yes sir,” the waiter replied.

“Club soda? You on the wagon or something, DiNozzo?” Fornell asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Good to see you too, Toby. Just thinking I better keep my wits about me. You want to tell me why you’ve summoned me here? And how did you know I was even in town?” Tony challenged.

Fornell smirked.

“I have my sources,” he snarked.

“Uh huh. What do you want, Fornell? It’s been a bitch of a day and I’m in no mood for games,” Tony stated sharply.

Tony rubbed his temples. A headache was building and he wanted nothing more than to go up to his room, take a long, hot shower and tumble into bed to hopefully forget the last two days. He wanted to be fresh and sharp for his interview tomorrow. Being a FLETC instructor was far from his dream job, but he quit the one that had been. Even though he felt trapped by circumstances, leaving was a decision he would always regret.

Tony struggled with his feelings about moving back to D.C. Would he be happy? He wasn’t lying when he told Abby that he missed everyone like crazy, but so much had changed. Everyone had changed and by all accounts had moved on.

He wasn’t exactly thrilled with his current situation. Paris was a lovely city, but it wasn’t home. Among all of the bustle and crowds of locals and tourists he never felt more alone. Home was where the people you loved and cared about were, but would just reconnecting with once close friends be enough? He wanted more and dreamed of more, but he feared his dreams were out of reach.

Senior tried, too hard at times, to form some kind of fatherly bond with him. Every attempt felt forced and fell flat. Tony could never truly trust Senior. The scars from his formative years ran deep. During childhood and teen years, Tony had gotten into trouble on purpose just to get a little attention from his father. Rare praise or punishment, Senior just pawned him off on the household staff to be dealt with; he couldn’t be bothered. Tony was lucky that they were there for him growing up. They adored him, and he loved them in return. Punishment doled out by Marta the cook usually meant he only got one freshly-baked cookie before dinner instead of two.

Tony had no clue where Ziva fit into his life; he rarely saw her, and when he did she was distant to both him and Tali. One thing was for certain; there was no love between them and there never had been. He couldn’t get past the notion that he had been played like a pawn in some scheme she was wrapped up in. Fragments of his last night in Tel Aviv formed pieces of a puzzle that just didn’t fit. The picture was still blurred around the edges.

Ziva was a master of seduction. It was a skill ingrained in her during her years of intensive Mossad training. She was known to use sex as a weapon or as a tool to get what she needed. The art of seduction was nothing new to Tony. He wasn’t exactly innocent, and had used his good looks and charm on many occasions to woo a would-be paramour, so he knew all the signs. Not to mention, he never would have slept with Ziva without wearing a condom or two.

He felt an overwhelming sense of duty to protect and raise Tali the best he could. She was an innocent victim in all of this as much as he was. Tali was an adorable, sweet little girl, but she gravitated toward Senior who played the role of doting grandfather to the hilt. Tony watched their bond form from a careful distance. He knew he would never feel a truly familial bond with Tali, but what was the harm in letting her feel loved and cherished by the man she knew as her “saba”? Tony was stunned that his dad was even capable of bestowing love and affection on anyone. He never experienced that; Tony was just a tool in the family tool box pulled out to keep up appearances in the society pages.

“You with me, DiNozzo? You seem a million miles away,” Fornell said.

Tony snapped back to attention as the waiter placed a napkin and cut crystal rocks glass of club soda on the table in front of him. He nodded and muttered his thanks to the waiter.

“Yeah, I’m here but you still haven’t told me what you want,” Tony retorted.

Fornell pushed his empty shot glass aside and leaned over the table.

“I want you,” he stated.

As Fornell slowly sat up and back in his seat, a befuddled Tony gaped at him.

“You want me? What the hell are you talking about, and how many drinks have you had?” Tony asked. He eyed the exit in case he needed to beat a hasty retreat.

Fornell rolled his eyes.

“Not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter. I mean the F.B.I wants you. You’re a pretty damn good investigator, when you’re not the one being investigated. We could use you and I have a spot opening up on my team. Your buddy Sacks is leaving. He’s getting married and moving out west. He’ll be in the San Francisco field office. You interested?” Fornell asked.

Tony took a drink and cleared his throat. He shot a smirk across the table.

“Depends. Write me up a proposal - for the job - and I’ll think about it. I’m interviewing at FLETC tomorrow then leaving for home on Friday. Get your offer to me by Thursday and I’ll get back to you before I leave. That gives you two days,” Tony replied.

“Home? Paris isn’t home and you damn well know it,” Fornell said. He also knew that Tony had another interview lined up with the US Marshals Service. He couldn’t help but wonder why Tony would keep that nugget to himself, but he didn’t want to call him on it, not yet anyway.

Tony sat up.

“I have one favor to ask. Well, it’s more like I have a non-negotiable demand before I’ll even consider it.”

Fornell’s eyebrows shot up. He held his empty glass up to order another drink. The waiter nodded.

“And that would be?”

Tony stared at Fornell, never breaking eye contact. They seemed to lock eyes forever, though it was only a moment.

“I need your lab to do a DNA test, and no one else can know about it. Just you, me, and the lab tech. It has to be totally anonymous. If anyone, and I mean ANY one at NCIS finds out, I will personally kick your ass into next week.”

Fornell nodded.

“I think I can arrange that. This about the kid? Something you want to tell your old buddy Fornell?”

Tony shook his head.

“No way. I get the results, then maybe I’ll clue you in. Deal?” Tony asked.

In lieu of a handshake, Fornell tossed back the shot of scotch placed in front of him then stood. He looked down at Tony, who sat stoic. ‘He had to have learned that from years of working for Gibbs’, he thought.

“Tomorrow then. I’ll have a proposal sent over here to you by the end of business tomorrow. We can take care of the other thing before you leave.”

“Fine. Later, Fornell,” Tony said dismissively before getting up and heading for the exit.  
  
Soaking in a hot bath after his meeting with Fornell, Tony weighed his options. The US Marshals Service offered an exciting array of duties. Aiding with disaster assistance, helping to locate missing children, transporting federal prisoners, or hunting down and apprehending fugitives each brought their own challenges, and like the FBI the US Marshals Service had offices across the country. While doing online research, Tony’s first thought while reading about Fugitive Operations was the Tommy Lee Jones film, aptly titled “The Fugitive”.

He would prefer the excitement of field duty over a teaching post any day, but he could settle for being a FLETC instructor. Lord knows he had a wealth of knowledge and know-how to share with newbie green agents-in-training. If the US Marshals didn’t work out, he knew an FBI job working under Fornell was always an option, which would have the added benefit of driving Gibbs up the wall.

Tony climbed out of the cooling bathwater, dried off, and slipped into thin flannel jammies for bed. He lay under the covers in the quiet darkness and contemplated his future. What was in store for him? By the end of the week, would he know if Tali was his daughter? If she wasn’t, then what? Who would take care of her and raise her out of Mossad’s reach? Where was Ziva and how did she fit in? She really didn’t if he were honest with himself. Tony couldn’t think of the last time he even saw her. It almost seemed as though Ziva stashed Tali with him just so she would be safe while Ziva continued on as a phantom Mossad agent. She would make an unannounced appearance in Paris for a day or two and then disappear without a trace or any indication of her eventual return. Hard as he tried, and despite Senior’s protestations in Ziva’s defense, Tony couldn’t shake the notion that he was being played by her … again. He needed answers, as heartbreaking as they may turn out to be.

* * *

The leisurely 45 minute drive to Cheltenham, Maryland was relaxing. Tony had chosen a scenic route for the 23 mile drive. After a restless night, he awoke with the sun and went for a short run to clear his head. After a shower and quick continental breakfast, he filled a travel mug with the hotel’s gourmet coffee and hit the road. It was a beautiful day, traffic was light, and he was in no hurry to get to his 10:00 a.m. appointment.

Tony knew he had aced the interview at “Hello”. His NCIS jacket and tales of his heroic acts over nearly a decade in federal law enforcement spoke for themselves. His jacket was full of commendations spelling out his great investigatory strengths and crime scene analysis. Tony had a gift for putting random bits of evidence together to effect a solid lead in a case. That he had worked under the legendary Leroy Jethro Gibbs was a bonus.

He hoped it would be a short interview so he would be able to avoid noon time Beltway traffic on his drive back to DC for his interview with the US Marshals Service at the Justice Department. Being a Deputy US Marshal fit his skill set perfectly. He was still in good enough shape to chase down bad guys or kick in the occasional door if called upon to do so. Another bonus was that his chance of crossing paths with Gibbs on the job was a lot less than if he worked for Fornell. He couldn’t think of any time NCIS held any kind of a joint op with the US Marshals.

Tony stopped at a Subway for a quick lunch before making the trip back to DC. He decided to call Abby to tender a dinner invitation.

“Um, hey, Tony. How’s it going?” Abby answered quietly from the landline in her lab. The lack of exuberant “Tony, Tony, Tony!” was an indicator that the team, at least Gibbs, was probably in the room.

“Hey Abs. Guessing you’re not alone. Okay, I’ll keep this short. How about Marcelli’s for pizza tonight? Say 7:30? I can meet you there or pick you up,” Tony replied.

“Sure, yeah. Marcelli’s, 7:30. I’ll meet you there,” Abby stated before hanging up. She directed her response not to Tony, but to Gibbs.

Tony looked at his phone with a puzzled look. That was oddly uncharacteristic. He hated feeling like he had put Abby in the middle of his Gibbs drama, but he didn’t know what else to do. He knew she loved them both and that she hated when those closest to her didn’t get along. Deciding he couldn’t do anything about it at the moment, Tony finished his sandwich and headed for the door. He took a deep breath when he got in the car then set a course in the onboard GPS for the quickest route to the Justice Department.  
  
Abby schooled her features and turned to find Gibbs looking at her curiously. Bishop and McGee said nothing.

“If that was Tony, you can tell me,” Gibbs said.

“Okay, fine. It was Tony. Now, back to those DNA results you asked for,” Abby replied. She turned on her heel and called up the results on her computer.

“McGee, get upstairs and finish pulling those records together. Bishop, help him,” Gibbs barked. The two young agents hurried for the door.

Alone in the lab with only the beeps and whirs of Major Mass Spec and the rest of the gang, Gibbs stepped up to Abby.

“Something you want to tell me, Abs?” Gibbs asked.

“No, not really. Look, yeah so that was Tony on the phone. We’re meeting for dinner tonight. He and I are friends, Gibbs. You know what friends are, right?”

Gibbs could see that Abby was getting agitated. He placed his hands on her shoulders to stop her nervous bouncing.

“I know you and Tony are friends. I know you’ve always been close.”

“And you want me to find out what’s going on with him, right? Gibbs, I am not going to spy on my friend, my best friend, for you! I could never betray him like that. He’s always been more like a brother to me. If you want to know what’s going on with Tony, then I suggest you stop being an ass and talk to him yourself. I can probably come up with an excuse to reschedule, if you catch my meaning. It’s your move, Gibbs. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work for other teams to do,” Abby stated.

She shouldered past Gibbs to go into her inner office. Gibbs stood gobsmacked as the glass door swished closed. Abby would never scold him like that unless it was out of genuine concern. He got the message.

* * *

“Aced it!” Tony sing-songed as he climbed behind the wheel of this car. He turned the key bringing the luxury sedan roaring to life. His return to Paris would be delayed by several days due to the need for background checks, a written exam, and a battery of field proficiency tests.

His interview with the someone whose name and title escaped him at the moment had gone better than he had anticipated. They also knew of his accolades as a top federal field agent with nearly two decades of experience. Any holes in Tony’s CV were filled by a detailed recitation of some of his former team’s more challenging cases. Again, it didn’t hurt having a file of commendations from the Directors of NCIS and the FBI, two SecNavs, as well as the President of the United States.

It was 3:30 when he got back to the Adams House. Should he lounge around the pool and relax, or go to the hotel’s gym and get in a strenuous workout to burn off some nervous energy. Maybe he would just go for a run to clear his mind. He had plenty of time before he had to get ready to meet Abby.

Tony took a bottle of water from the mini-fridge in his room and plopped down on the very comfortable sofa. He put his feet up on the coffee table and took a long, thirst quenching drink. He sat the half full bottle on the table just as his cell phone rang. From the loud goth music ringtone blaring from the tiny speaker, he knew right away that it was Abby.

“Hey Abby! What’s up?” he asked.

“Tony! Yay, where are you? How did your interview go? Are we still on for tonight? Any chance we could meet at 7:00 instead or we can reschedule for tomorrow if you want? I may have a date later with this really cool guy from a local band. Met him last weekend. He’s the drummer, and you know I have a thing for hot drummers! Would that be okay? Tony, answer me!” Abby rambled excitedly.

“I’ll answer as soon as you’re done asking questions,” Tony replied with a chuckle. “Yeah, 7:00 would be fine. I just got back to my room. I’m beat. I can tell you all about my day and you can fill me in on this new guy in your life, deal?”

“Sounds great! Ooops, I gotta go. My computer just dinged, and you know what that means. Gibbs will be here in like two seconds. See you later, Tony Love! Bye.”

* * *

Marcelli’s Pizza was one of Tony’s guilty pleasures. It was one of those authentic places where you got to watch them hand toss the dough for the crust. The ingredients were fresh, and they never skimped on the toppings or the gooiest of cheeses. Tony considered their pizza to be the eighth wonder of the world. It was that good.

Tony arrived at 6:45 and chose a quiet table in the corner. He ordered a draught of domestic beer and a basket of mozzarella sticks as an appetizer. He knew Abby loved them. He perused the menu just for something to do while he waited. Everyone working there who greeted him when he walked in knew exactly what he was going to order.

By 7:15 he started to worry. Abby was never late. In fact, he was surprised that he arrived before her. It was out of character. Tony thought he’d give her five more minutes before calling. He hoped it was nothing more than heavy traffic, and knew that Abby wouldn’t call while she was driving. He munched on a mozzarella stick.

Tony was about to open his phone to call Abby when a man approached his table. He should have known.

Slumping back in his chair, Tony asked, “She’s not coming, is she?”

The man shrugged and pulled out a chair. He sat, waived the waiter over, and ordered a double bourbon.

“She put you up to this? Come on, Gibbs. At least level with me. You owe me that much.”

Gibbs cracked a half smile.

“Let’s just say she didn’t exactly keep your dinner date a secret. She thinks we need to talk. So do I,” Gibbs confessed.

“Talk? You? Yeah, that’s worked so well in the past. Look Gibbs, I’ve had a really long day and I’m in no mood for an interrogation,” Tony protested.

When the waiter arrived with Gibbs’ drink, Tony placed his usual pizza order -- large sausage, pepperoni, with extra cheese. He had planned to order it ‘to go’, but he had a feeling Gibbs wasn’t going to let him just get up and walk out.

Resigned to his fate, Tony sighed.

“You want anything else added to your half?” he asked Gibbs.

Gibbs shook his head.

“No, I’ll just have what you’re having.”

Tony’s eyes darted around the room to land on anything but Gibbs. He was not going to let himself be pulled into Gibbs’ orbit. Gibbs just stared at him intently, making Tony a bit more than uncomfortable.

“Okay, I give up. What do you think we have to talk about, Gibbs? Or, do you just want to yell at me some more?”

Gibbs was not going to let Tony bait him into a fight. He took a drink of bourbon and reveled in the heat traveling all the way to his toes.

“I hear you’ve had some job offers,” Gibbs stated.

Tony blinked.

“Offers, no. I did have a couple of interviews today though.”

Gibbs shook his head.

“Really? I heard Fornell offered you Sacks’ job, or was I misinformed? Fornell, that’s who you had drinks with last night, right?”

Tony chuckled.

“Told you did he? I warned him. Now I’m gonna have to go over to the Hoover Building and kick his ass like I promised I would. Yes, he offered me a job. I haven’t accepted it, yet, but I’m considering it.”

“Heard you talked to FLETC and DOJ, too. Anything you care to share?” Gibbs asked.

Tony sat and gaped at Gibbs. How the hell did he know that? he thought. Abby didn’t know about the DOJ interview and she wouldn’t have ratted him out about FLETC.

“Look Tony, I have sources all over this town. I know everything that goes on with my people,” Gibbs said.

Tony huffed.

“Yeah, but I’m not “your people,” Tony replied with air quotes. “Not anymore.”

The tension was broken a moment later when the waiter returned with the pizza, which he ceremoniously placed in the center of the table. Drink refills were ordered. Tony served the pizza and handed a plate to Gibbs. They both dug in hungrily for a few minutes before Tony spoke up.

“So what do you really want, Gibbs? You gonna offer me my old job back or something? Gonna fire all the people you had to hire to replace little ‘ol me? Gonna kick McGee out of my chair?”

Gibbs shook his head.

“I just want to know what your plans are. You moving back here? You planning on bringing the whole family with you if you do? What about Ziva? What’s going on there? Why did you walk out on me, us, the way you did?”

Gibbs hadn’t meant to ask the last question out loud, but it was too late to take it back.

Tony looked Gibbs in the eye. He was stunned to hear Gibbs’ rapid fire questions. It was wholly out of character, which meant their conversation could be on the verge of taking a major turn.

“Gibbs, what are you talking about? I didn’t walk out on you; you pushed me away, remember? You quit caring. You quit trusting me. Why would I stay? I gave up years of my life for you, for the job, doing everything I could to please and impress you, but in the end it meant nothing. I got nothing in return. Just an occasional “that’s good work, Tony” or a head slap. What would you have done in my place?”

Without missing a beat, Gibbs whispered a startling confession.

“I would have fought for you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, things are about to get real. I have been fighting with which direction to take this, and I have not made a final decision yet! Updates may take a little longer from here on out as I try to stay true to the characters while taking them on a strange and at times heartbreaking journey. 
> 
> Warning: Some characters may come across as OOC, but I hope you’ll understand why.

* * *

“Gibbs, what are you talking about? What do you mean fight for me? You sure seemed fine letting me go. I sure don’t seem to recall you trying too damn hard to get me to stay. And why are you looking at me like that?” Tony growled, his brow creased with confusion.

Gibbs refused to break eye contact and fixed Tony with a look he couldn’t quite define. Was Gibbs concerned? Mad? Scared? Sad?

“Gibbs, for God’s sake talk to me! You’re kind of freaking me out. What is going on … and where the hell is Abby?”

Tony sat back and crossed his arms. The penny dropped. He nodded knowingly.

“Ah, I see. She sent you, didn’t she? Abby. She set this all up?”

Gibbs shrugged.

“Let’s just say I knew you two were supposed to meet here for dinner. She told me she might have to cancel. Something about a date. I didn’t want you to have to eat alone.”

Tony narrowed his eyes.

“Uh huh. Gibbs, you have never straight up lied to me, far as I know, so don’t start now. I’ve had a really crazy day and I don’t feel like solving a puzzle right now. What the hell is going on?”

The restaurant wasn’t too busy, but there were still a number of people within earshot who could overhear their conversation. Gibbs was nervous enough without worrying about a bunch of strangers listening in.

“What do you say we finish this, then go somewhere more private - where we can talk? I think we both have some things we need to get off our chests,” Gibbs suggested.

Tony cocked his head.

“Talk? You and me? Right. Okay, only if you mean we both talk. Not just me rambling on like an idiot and you sitting there like a functional mute like you usually do. I know how you clam up when things get serious. If you have something to tell me, then by all means I want to hear it. Where do you wanna go?”

“Your place? My place? The park? I don’t care. Just somewhere without a bunch of other people around.”

Tony thought for a moment.

“Okay, how about this … your place in two hours. I’ll bring a six pack … unless you think we’re gonna need something stronger,” he offered.

Gibbs cracked a half smile.

“Beer will be fine. Better not drink too much. It is a school night.”

With their meeting terms settled, their conversation turned to the latest goings on at NCIS while they finished their pizza. Tony fell back on his default setting of rambling on about absolutely nothing, while plagued with questions. What the hell did Gibbs have to say that was so important or personal that he didn’t want anyone else around to hear it? Was it good news? Bad news? He knew one thing; Gibbs wasn’t going to tell him anything until he was damn good and ready!

Tony paid the check and Gibbs left a generous tip. They walked outside and found they were parked next to each other.

“My place, two hours,” Gibbs said.

“Two hours,” Tony replied, tamping down an impulse to fire off a salute.

* * *

Abby grinned when she looked through the peep hole to see who was pounding on her door.

“Hello Tony. I wasn’t expecting you. Come on in. Can I get you something to drink?” Abby greeted cheerfully - too cheerfully.

“Cut the crap, Scuitto. Don’t try and play innocent with me. You set me up! I thought you had a date with a hot drummer. Or did you lie to me about that just so you could send Gibbs?”

Abby smiled despite Tony's accusatory tone. Seconds later her exuberance disappeared with an over-the-top eye roll and heavy sigh.

“Okay fine. Yes, I let Gibbs know where you were. He was in the lab when you called and overheard me,” she lied.

“Uh huh. Try again. You let him know on purpose, didn’t you? Now, tell me why,” Tony said as he pulled Abby down to sit next to him on her couch.

“Okay. Truth. After you left last night, Gibbs and I talked. Well, actually I talked and Gibbs pretty much just listened. You know how he is. He must have listened or he never would have gone to meet you. Anyway, I told him you were going through some stuff, but I did not tell him any details, not that I really know any, and that you two needed to talk. I don’t think he was too crazy about you meeting someone. Look, I’m not going to repeat the whole speech I gave him, but I know you two and I can see how much you mean to each other and how much you care about each other, even though you’re both too stubborn to admit it. Take that however you will. But my point is, you guys care for each other … a lot … and you need to figure out a way to do something about it. Trust me, McGee and Ellie and even Ducky agree. We’re not stupid, Tony. You and Gibbs aren’t always as subtle as you like to think you are. We see the looks that pass between you guys. We see the not so subtle leers, and how you get all tongue tied and nervous around Gibbs, like you’re trying to impress him. And he has that annoying little half smirk that is just for you. So, what are you going to do about it? So, he went to see you. Did he tell you anything?”

Tony blinked repeatedly as he tried to process what Abby was saying.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. There’s never been anything hinky between me and Gibbs, I don’t care what all of you think you have figured out, but we’re meeting later at his place to talk. About what, I have no idea. And for the record, he knows who I met with last night. For your information, it was Fornell - offering me a job. Now before you get all excited or pissed off or whatever, I haven’t accepted it, but I am considering it. Now, anything I need to know before I go and face Gibbs?” Tony asked.

“Just be patient and hear him out. He’s facing some stuff too, real feelings kind of stuff. And you know how he hates anyone thinking he even has feelings? Well, this may be a tough convo for him too, so just be cool. Remember, me and the others care about you and love you both. You should be happy, Tony. You and Gibbs should both be happy, and you can be, if you want it,” Abby replied.

Abby yanked Tony to his feet and practically shoved him toward the door. He stopped short and turned to face her.

“Feelings. There you go, again. And aren’t you forgetting something? It’s not just about me, or Gibbs and our friendship. Yes, we’re friends and that’s all! And there are other people to consider?”

Abby put her hands on her hips and shot Tony a look of disapproval.

“Like I could forget. I get you want to protect the kid, Tali, even if she isn’t yours. As for her mother? Sorry, but I’ve seen how Ziva manipulates everything and everyone to suit her purpose and get what she wants, to hell with anyone else. Just look at her history. I don’t trust her one bit, and I bet if you really let yourself see it, you don’t either. Still wish you’d let me run a DNA test. It’s not too late, you know. Anyway, we all know your dad is a great con-man and can take care of himself. Now, go. You don’t want to be late and Gibbs hates being kept waiting. Oh, and for your information Mister, I am meeting the hot drummer in about 20 minutes,” Abby said before kissing Tony on the cheek and gently pushing him out the door.

* * *

Across town, Gibbs sat on his couch with his head in his hands and listened as Ducky’s words washed over him. He had called his friend for advice, but now found himself at a loss. He stared at his cell phone laying open on the coffee table as Ducky’s tinny voice came through the tiny speaker. All he could do was listen as his most trusted friend shared his thoughts and opinions on Gibbs, Tony, Gibbs and Tony, and the “most wonderful possibilities and years of happiness lying ahead for you both, Jethro my dear boy.”

Much like Abby had informed Tony, Ducky made it clear that “you two aren’t fooling anyone”, and “we have eyes, Jethro, your longing for each other is quite obvious.”

“Jethro, are you still there?” Ducky asked after a long moment of silence.

Gibbs cleared his throat.

“Yeah, Duck, I’m here. I’m just wondering if you’ve gone completely crazy, because there has never been anything between me and Tony. For God’s sake!”

“Protest all you wish, but you shall not dissuade me, nor the others I’m afraid. Abigail, Timothy, and Eleanor are terribly fond of you both, as am I. Even Mr. Palmer has weighed in on the subject. One thing is for certain, and that is that you and Anthony belong together. Now, I shall let you go so that you may prepare for your talk. Just do yourself a favor, Jethro, and look into your heart. It will not lead you astray. If there is a sliver of room in there for Anthony, you would do well to let him in. Good night, Jethro. I wish you all the best. I shall be standing by should you be in need of my assistance.”

The “Call Ended” message flashed on the screen. Gibbs shook his head and picked up his phone.

“They’ve all gone crazy,” he mumbled under his breath just as Tony pulled into the driveway.

Gibbs stood and waited until Tony was standing in front of him holding a six-pack of his favorite beer. Tony didn’t wait for the “that’s good work, DiNozzo”. Tony sat the six-pack on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch.

“Gibbs, you okay?” Tony asked, his voice full of concern. Seeing the phone crushed in Gibbs’ hand, he continued, “You get a bad news phone call or something? I can leave if you want.” He thumbed in the general direction of the front door.

“No, it’s okay. Just, uh, got off the phone with Ducky,” Gibbs replied. His knees popped in protest as he joined Tony on the couch.

Tony removed two bottles from the six-pack and twisted off the caps. He handed one bottle to Gibbs and they clinked the necks of the bottles like they had done a hundred or more times over the years. The both took long pulls and settled back for several long moments of awkward silence.

“Okay, this is awkward. I’m almost afraid to ask, but what’s on Ducky’s mind?”

Gibbs snorted. “If he only knew,” Gibbs thought. Figuring he really had nothing to lose, he turned to face Tony.

“You sure you really want to know? I mean, Ducky, Abby, McGee … it, uh, seems they have some ideas about me … and you. Got a whole speech on Ducky’s theories.”

Tony threw his head back and laughed.

“Yeah, I know all about their ideas about us. I stopped by Abby’s place before coming here. Wanted to know why she bailed out on dinner and she admitted she set me, well, us, up. I got a whole earful from her, too. I know she’s not exactly shy. Told me she laid into you last night after I left. Turns out you and I are quite the subject of gossip. Guess we have been for years. How’d she put it? Oh yeah, “we’re not stupid and you and Gibbs aren’t exactly subtle”, or something like that. Who knew, right? Now, Abby wants to know what we’re gonna do about it. Can you believe that?” Tony declared.

Gibbs didn’t miss a beat.

“Yeah, Tony, I can believe that,” Gibbs answered around a sigh. “Okay, before things get too heavy, tell me about your interviews today. Any offers?”

“Changing the subject. Okay, then. Um, I aced FLETC, of course. I pretty much just told them a few stories about some of our biggest cases. They were impressed that I worked for you for so many years,” Tony said proudly.

“Yeah, and what about DOJ?” Gibbs asked.

“Went well, I think. Same thing pretty much. Have to get through a background check and all of that. I think being a U.S. Marshal might be kind of cool. It’s still federal law enforcement, just with different options.”

Gibbs pinned Tony in place with the weight of his stare.

“You gonna tell me, or do I have to ask? Ziva? Your daughter? Where do they fit into your plans?”

Tony sighed and looked down at his feet. He couldn’t bring himself to look Gibbs in the eye.

“I don’t have any plans. Just looking for options.”

After a long pause, he continued, “Gibbs, can I tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone, including Ducky? I mean it. I know you trust him, but this has to stay between us. I told Abby something the other night. I didn’t mean to, but I was drunk and, well …,” Tony stammered.

“You can always talk to me, you know that. I won’t tell anyone anything,” Gibbs replied with a hint of tenderness, while keeping a firm hand on Tony’s shoulder. He hoped he sounded sincere. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Tony took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He stood and began to pace.

“Oh boy! Well, I should say Fornell kind of picked up on it last night. You see, I’m not sure Tali really is my daughter. That last night I was in Israel, Ziva and I talked over dinner and put away a couple of bottles of wine. I can usually do that by myself, no problem, but I’m missing a whole bunch of time. That’s never happened before. I think a couple of people she knows may have shown up at some point, but I can’t be sure. I just remember waking up the next morning with a raging hangover and few memories of the night before. Just flashes of things. Later that night we said our good-byes. I flew home; she stayed there. I got on with work and my life. I dated a lot of women and didn’t give Ziva much thought. We were too busy finding her replacement, I guess, and then things with The Calling kicked off. Anyway, fast forward to that night three years later when we were told Ziva was killed in an explosion, and “Oh hey Agent DiNozzo, meet you and Ziva’s daughter”. Gibbs, as God is my witness, if I slept with Ziva I do not remember it,” Tony reported.

Gibbs said nothing but nodded and motioned for Tony to continue. There had to be more.

“Ziva was my partner. That’s it; nothing more. I tried to be friends with her, but you saw for yourself how that turned out after the whole Rivkin mess. She wanted me dead! And you know she never once thanked me for us rescuing her in Somalia? Anyway, where was I?”

“I have no idea, but keep going,” Gibbs encouraged.

Tony took a drink of his beer to buy a few seconds and to ease his parched throat.

“Oh yeah, Ziva. I told McGee the other night before he threw me out and then Abby … I never broke Rule 12; I swear. Not with Ziva, not with anyone. Not knowingly, anyway. I didn’t have a relationship with her or even fool around when we were on stake outs. I may have flirted with her, it’s kind of what I do, but I swear I’ve never had feelings for her - still don’t. Gibbs, you have to believe me! After everything, I could never trust her. And I am nothing if not careful, or there would be dozens of little DiNozzos running around out there somewhere, so there is no way in hell I would have slept with her without wearing at least one condom. I just don’t remember, and that is so not like me. I'm not 100 percent sure she didn’t set me up.”

“Come here and sit,” Gibbs requested, and Tony complied.

Gibbs gave Tony a minute to calm his ragged breathing then continued.

“You think you could have been drugged? Do you remember anything about that night? Any idea who might have stopped by? I know you don’t want to hear this, but you think maybe she drugged you and took advantage of the situation - with a little help from some friends?”

Tony’s face drained of all color and for a moment Gibbs wondered if he was going to be sick right there in his living room.

“Are you saying you think she raped me? She couldn’t do that, could she? Are you kidding me? I’m easily twice her size! And why would she do that? I’m not Jewish. Her dad hates, well, hated me. Besides, there is no way she just wanted a kid. Ziva’s not really the mother type, you know what I mean? You think it’s possible that Mossad had something to do with all of this?”

Tony jumped to his feet and began pacing again.

“Gibbs! Oh my God, this is insane. What do I do?” Tony begged.

Gibbs motioned him back over and patted the couch.

“First, you sit here and calm down. Tony, we can get answers to a lot of your questions with one simple DNA test. If you don’t want Abby to do it, I can call in a favor with Fornell and have the FBI lab do it on the QT. I’ll go with you. You don’t have to deal with this alone,” Gibbs stated.

Tony choked up over Gibbs’ acceptance and offer of help and strength.

“Thanks, Gibbs,” he muttered softly.

“Listen Tony, we all have questionable history where Ziva is concerned. I’ve never been able to truly trust her, either. For a few years, after a rocky start, she seemed like she was one of us, but I never could shake the feeling we were all being played. I wouldn’t put anything past Ziva, especially if Mossad was somehow involved. If you do have a daughter with her, fine. We can deal with that. But if she’s not your daughter, then Tony you can’t just stop living your life to raise her. We can find a family member, hopefully from Ziva’s mother’s side, to take her. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about Mossad. You have a lot of people right here who care an awful lot about you. Your life is here, DiNozzo, not Paris, and not with Ziva and some kid that may not even be yours. When’s the last time you even saw Ziva, anyway?”

Tony leaned back, sighed, and let his head fall to the back of the couch.

“It’s been quite a while. At least two or three months. I’ve lost track.”

At a grunt from Gibbs, Tony sat up and turned to face him.

“Gibbs, it’s not like Ziva and I are married or anything. It’s not like that at all. When she comes back from wherever she’s been, we barely talk. She has her space and I have mine. But like I told Abby, the thought of turning Tali, an innocent little girl, over to Mossad makes me sick. I don’t want her raised in that messed up world. We all saw how Ziva turned out. And now, I can’t imagine Ziva giving up whatever she’s up to to raise her. She’s really not much of a mother. Hardly spends any time with her when she does come back. Tali spends most of her time with Senior, if you can believe that! He dotes on her like crazy, and she absolutely adores him. I don’t want to mess that up, but I can’t go on like this. That’s why I’m looking into my options. Actually, an anonymous DNA test was going to be part of any agreement to work for the FBI. Fornell said he could set it up if his proposal, which he’s supposed to be putting together, is good enough. Gibbs, talk to me. What should I do?”

“Get the test and then we’ll figure things out from there. I’ll be right by your side. Who do you want to do the test? We’re gonna need Tali’s DNA for comparison. You have anything of hers that might have any?” Gibbs said.

Tony thought for a moment then chuckled. Tali had helped him pack for his trip and put her “Frozen” hairbrush in his shaving kit. Tony didn’t notice it until unpacking his toiletries at the hotel.

“Something funny, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked.

“As a matter of fact, yeah. Tali, she wanted to help me pack. I guess she decided I needed to bring her little hairbrush with me. I found it in my shaving kit when I got to my hotel room. It has some of her hair in it. I’m sure Abby can work her magic on it,” Tony replied.

“So you want Abby to run the test?”

Tony nodded.

“Yeah, I trust her. I kind of told her the other night that I’m not sure about Tali. Told her I didn’t remember anything about my last night in Israel. She wanted me to tell her there was no way Tali was mine, and I told her I couldn’t. She was - is - still mad at me for not letting her run DNA that night Mossad dragged Tali in and handed her off to me. Abby won’t tell anyone. I’ll threaten to rip the stuffing out of her farting hippo or threaten to beat the crap out of McGee. That usually buys her silence.”

Gibbs patted Tony’s leg and nodded.

“Okay, I’ll set it up tomorrow … unless you have more interviews I should know about.”

Tony smiled.

“Nope. All done. Just waiting to hear from your buddy Fornell. Curious what kind of offer he’ll come up with. Still leaning toward the Marshals Service, though. Don’t really see myself as a teacher at FLETC. I need the excitement of working cases! I know I certainly don’t want to be around Fornell all day everyday. That would be too weird, especially if we had to run a joint op with NCIS. Can you imagine?”

One crisis tackled, several minutes of nervous tension fell over the room.

“So, I guess we still have that other thing to talk about. The hinky thing.” Tony stated.

Gibbs sighed. He really wanted to be anywhere else, but the most important person in his life was counting on him. It was time to get to the heart of the matter - the real reason they needed to talk.

“Yeah, I guess so. How do you want to do this? You know talking about feelings, or just talking about anything, isn’t really my thing,” Gibbs replied.

“No! You, unable to talk about your feelings?” Tony teased.

He was instantly rewarded with a head slap. Both of them laughing was the perfect tension break they needed. It was also the perfect time to crack open two more beers.

“Okay. Seriously. Gibbs, God - how many bombs can I drop on you in one night? Here goes. I don’t know what Abby and the others know or think they know, but I’m a little confused. I thought I could just leave and walk away. I thought after a few months I wouldn’t miss you so much, but I do. And honestly, Gibbs, it’s not the job or working cases that I miss the most. It’s this; sitting on this lumpy couch with you drinking beer and talking. All that’s missing is a fire and cowboy steaks,” Tony said an affectionate tone.

At Gibbs’ shocked expression, Tony laughed.

“Sure, I miss Abs and McGee and everyone. Hell, I even miss Vance - just a little bit. But you are the one person I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. I worry about you like crazy. I worry if you’ve gotten yourself shot or blown up again, and about who is on your six now. I know it’s not McGee! He turned into an okay investigator, but he’s still mostly a computer geek. I don’t know this Nick guy enough to trust him to have your six. I don’t have anyone to keep me sane and grounded. I don’t have anyone I can count on. Yeah, my dad and I have mended a couple of fences, but I’m still wary of him. I can’t let my guard down around him or trust his motives. And forget Ziva! Like I said, there is nothing there.”

Tony looked at Gibbs, who looked back at him with affection and a sense of understanding in his eyes.

“We’re gonna have to bring everyone into this, finding out if Tali is my kid thing, aren’t we?” Tony asked.

Gibbs furrowed his brow and cocked his head.

“What brought that on?”

Tony stood and once again began to pace.

“Come on, Gibbs. Even with Eli David out of the picture, Vance still has plenty of Mossad contacts. We will need him to help track down Ziva’s family, and you know he’ll need McHacker to get involved. Abby will know before anyone else when she runs the DNA test. No way we’ll be able to keep it from Ducky. From there, you know as well as I do that everyone else will find out - eventually,” Tony stated.

“And that’s a problem for you?” Gibbs asked.

“Yeah it’s a problem for me! Gibbs, McGee and Abby both read me the riot act the other night. You wouldn’t even talk to me. Everyone is still pissed off that I left without getting a DNA test. Like I told Abby, or it may have been McGee, I don’t remember - you were all going to be mad at me no matter what. If I am Tali’s father, then I somehow broke Rule 12 fucking around with Ziva. If I’m not, we all got played and I’m a big idiot for wanting to save an innocent little girl from a life in Mossad.”

Gibbs swallowed hard.

“You are not an idiot! Tony, I understand, more than you know. You’re trying to do something I wasn’t able to do for Kelly. Whether she’s your daughter or not, that little girl depends on you to keep her safe. And you are doing everything you can, but is it really the best thing for her or for your? Hey, you said it yourself that Ziva isn’t much of a mother. Your dad is getting up there in years and he can’t take on raising her himself. You need help, Tony, to do the right thing for all of you. I can help you, and I will, but you are going to have to trust me. Can you do that?” Gibbs asked.

Tony dropped back down next to Gibbs and for some unexplained reason took hold of his hand. Gibbs didn’t pull it away, and a look of mutual affection and trust was exchanged.

Barely above a whisper, Tony declared, “Of course I trust you. I always have. Even when I didn’t think you wanted me around. I wouldn’t be pouring my guts out here if I didn’t trust you. Are you sure you want to take all of this drama and my problems on?”

Gibbs smiled.

“DiNozzo, I’ve been taking your drama and problems on for years. This is no different. Look, let’s take this all one step at a time. I’ll set the DNA test up with Abby. Can you bring the hairbrush by the office tomorrow?”

Tony beamed at Gibbs. He knew Gibbs would know what to do.

“Yeah. I don’t have anything going on tomorrow. Just waiting to hear from Fornell. Let me know when to show up and I’ll be there. Might give me a chance to check in on the Duckman and Palmer, drop in on Abby, and meet this Torres guy you had to bring in to watch your six for me. Then what?”

“Then we wait until we get the results. No reason to panic until we know for sure. From there you decide what you want to do. See how the job offers pan out. See if you want to come home where you belong. Whether she is your daughter or not, I will be here for you. I can help you look for a place, or you’re welcome to stay here - both of you if necessary - until you figure things out. Like I said, Tony, you are not in this alone,” Gibbs replied.

Gibbs felt strong arms pull him into a hug and the dampness of tears falling on his shoulder. He held Tony in a protective embrace and ran a hand up and down Tony’s back until his sobs of relief subsided.

“Hey, you okay?” Gibbs asked once he had Tony back at arm’s length.

Tony wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Gibbs handed him a Kleenex from a box on the end table. Tony wiped his eyes and blew his nose.

“Yeah. Sorry about that. Just a little overwhelmed. I, uh, still don’t know where that leaves us, whatever that means,” Tony confessed.

Gibbs sighed then took a pull from his beer bottle.

“Okay, I don’t know what ‘us’ means either, but I’m not going to deny that I’ve missed you, too. We’ve been friends for years; we were close. Closer than we probably should have been. I was hurt by you leaving the way you did, I admit that. I regret a lot of things. I was angry, and sad, and confused by it all. I’ve had a lot of time to think since then, and I realize just how much I took you for granted. For years, and I can’t believe you stayed around as long as you did. You had the whole loyal St. Bernard thing going on, and I just got used to you being there. McGee may be my SFA now, but we don’t connect like you and I did. Torres thinks he’s my go-to guy, but he will never measure up to you. Do you think anyone ever shows up here uninvited with pizza and beer? No. They wouldn’t dare, and I don’t want any of them here. You, on the other hand. You are welcome here anytime, day or night. I’ve missed you dropping by whenever.”

Tony became uncharacteristically quiet. After several minutes, he looked at Gibbs.

“Simple question, Gibbs; do you want there to be an ‘us’? Us as in friends, or us as in … ‘us’; you and me together?”

Gibbs thought for a brief moment.

“We’re already friends, Tony. Whatever else there is, I guess that’s something we both have to want. To be honest, I haven’t given it a lot thought. Is there an attraction? Hell, probably yeah. I mean, I’ve never gone out of my way to pick up or date men. The Corps opened up all kinds of possibilities, especially Boot Camp, but when I was deployed I was more worried about staying alive and completing my missions. Whatever or whoever was waiting for me when I got back to base was just … a distraction or a way to cope with the fear and loneliness? I don’t know.”

Tony grinned.

“So you do have some experience with men?”

Gibbs blushed.

“Yes. Not a lot, but there have been a few over the years.”

“That’s good to know,” Tony said with a relieved chuckle. “You know me. I date … a lot. Mostly women, as you well know, but I’ve had my fair share of men, too. They are less complicated. They don’t expect candy and flowers and all that wooing and romance stuff. It’s so much easier. It’s just hanging out and sex; no pressure, no strings.”

Gibbs’ expression turned puzzled, and a little hurt.

“Is that all you want, “hanging out and sex with no strings? Because that’s not what I want. I’m too damn old to play games. I’ll still help you sort out some things, but I’m not going to waste my time just to be some sort of safe distraction for you until something or someone better comes along. If there is something between us as everyone thinks there is, then let’s look at that.”

Taken aback by Gibbs’ reaction, Tony leaned in and looked him in the eye.

“I don’t know what I’m saying! I do know you’re one hell of a good-looking guy. Sexy even. Of course there is an attraction! What are you saying? Are you saying you want a … relationship, with me? An exclusive, as in we’re boyfriends, kind of relationship?” Tony stammered.

“Well, yeah! Isn’t that how it works?” Gibbs replied.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to get some answers!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My apologies for the long delay in posting an update. As a reader, I hate waiting for story updates as much as anyone! I could give you a dozen BS excuses, but I won't. I am trying to make a major decision as to which direction to take this while dealing with some serious RL health issues that have recently flared up. Not to bore you with details, but a brief hospital stay was followed by weeks of recuperation at home. Then, of course, there were the holidays and all of that craziness! I am feeling much better now and back at it. I appreciate all of the reviews and feedback I have received so far. I will strive to do better!
> 
> Shorter than usual chapter, but I hope you like it!
> 
> Warning: Still no beta. Sorry about any mistakes.
> 
> Disclaimer: The usual.

* * *

Tony woke up and stretched feeling hopeful and content, though he wasn't entirely sure why. All he knew was that spending the night in Gibbs' guest room was like coming home. The twin bed was a tad lumpy, but it was comfortable and familiar and Tony knew that he was where he needed to be.

He found that Gibbs had laid out gray sweatpants and a Navy blue sweatshirt for him. Tony didn't remember stripping down to his t-shirt and boxer shorts. But then again he didn't remember much about Gibbs putting him to bed and tucking him in either.

Tony thought about the bizarre conversation he had with Gibbs just a few hours ago. Things were revealed that he still had a hard time accepting. What if what Gibbs suggested actually happened? Was he drugged? If so, was Ziva in on it? For what purpose? She had never mentioned wanting a kid. It was a hell of a risk to think that Tony would give up everything to raise Tali so she could continue her rise in the ranks of Mossad. Nothing about it made sense. He hoped Gibbs had some ideas to explain it all.

Gibbs! How could a guy as high strung as him be so calm - about everything? He basically accused Ziva of drugging and raping him. And Gibbs seemed resigned to the fact that if Tali were his daughter, it wouldn't change anything between them.

Tony remembered the conversation getting pretty heavy and brutally honest. Gibbs, of all people, had opened up and confessed to actually having feelings - for him! Confessions were made, tears were shed, fears were addressed, and feelings were laid bare. It had been exhausting for both of them, and Tony was grateful that Gibbs put an end to it when he did.

"Tony, we are not going to get this all figured out tonight and it's getting late. What do you say we sleep on it and talk more tomorrow. We'll order Chinese takeout for dinner. We have time; no need to rush into anything. Deal?" Gibbs asked.

Tony nodded. He was emotionally wrung out.

"Yeah, deal. Jesus Gibbs, I never in a million years thought I'd be having a conversation like this with you."

Gibbs grinned, then pulled him to his feet and led him toward the stairs. They stopped at the first door on the left.

"Yeah, well that makes two of us. Look, I think the guest room is still made up from the last time you stayed here. Wake me up if you need anything, okay? Get some sleep, and we will talk more tomorrow," Gibbs offered as he pushed the door open.

The sound of a truck backfiring out on the street brought Tony back to the present. His hand shot up to his forehead as a memory flooded in. Before he fell asleep, he felt Gibbs' warm lips place a kiss on his forehead followed by a soft "sleep tight, Tony." He never heard Gibbs leave and shut the door.

After dressing and making a stop in the bathroom, Tony padded down the stairs. He was a heavy sleeper, especially with a few beers in him, so if Gibbs was up and around he never heard him.

"Gibbs? You here?" Tony called out.

Gibbs wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. Tony opened the door leading out the garage and wasn't surprised to find Gibbs' car gone. He didn't need to wander down into the basement. Cracking the door open slightly he could tell it was pitch black down there. Neither an NCIS Charger nor his Challenger were in the garage or parked on the driveway. Tony's rental car was parked in the street. Gibbs must have nicked his keys and moved his car when he left for work at probably the crack of dawn.

The smell of coffee got Tony's attention. He stepped back into the kitchen to find a full pot of coffee and a hastily scribbled note beneath an NCIS coffee mug. There was no mistaking Gibbs' neat, almost perfect penmanship.

"Tony, make yourself at home. Call if you need anything. No case so I'll talk to Abby when she gets in. If we get a case I'll call and let you know. Otherwise, bring the hairbrush in when you're ready. I've got you." The note was signed "LJG".

In the midst of last night's panic attack, Gibbs had promised him that everything was going to be okay. If Gibbs made a promise, you could take it to the bank! Tony slumped against the counter with relief at those three little words: "I got you."

After a cup and a half of Gibbs' coffee, which he had thankfully built a tolerance to over the years, Tony gathered up his clothes and headed to his hotel. He stopped at Starbucks on the way for his usual frothy hazelnut concoction and a couple of double chocolate donuts.

Back at the hotel, Tony perused the complimentary morning edition of the Washington Post that was left outside his door. He then showered, letting the endless hot water cascade over him and calm his nerves. He was nervous about walking back into the once friendly confines of the NCIS bullpen, especially after the way he had left.

* * *

With his "Visitor" badge clipped prominently to his belt, Tony stepped off the elevator and into McGee's custody. He turned and thanked Bill, a friendly long-time security officer, who had escorted him upstairs.

"Probie! We meet again," Tony greeted cheerfully as he approached his former desk.

"Yeah, Tony. Good to see you, too," McGee replied.

"Oh my God, Tony!" Ellie exclaimed as she rushed over to give Tony a hug. "I can't believe you're here."

"In the flesh," Tony said. He could feel himself relax a bit in Ellie's sisterly embrace. He noticed a dark brooding man standing quietly next to McGee's old desk, and surmised that it must be the Nick Torres he's heard so much about.

Tony released Ellie and crossed the bullpen with his hand extended. "You must be Torres. I've heard a lot about you."

Nick nodded and smiled. "Nick, and I've, uh, heard a lot about you, too. The legendary Tony DiNozzo."

Tony feigned bashful. "I don't know about legendary, but… oh hey, Boss!"

Grinning at the familiar address, Gibbs walked up to the pair, shot Nick a disapproving glare, and pulled Tony aside to whisper in his ear, "You ready? You call the shots on this. Who knows what and when, it's all up to you."

Tony let out the deep ragged breath he'd been holding. He was grateful for Gibbs' support, but was still nervous.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Let's do this. We can fill these guys in when we know something." He handed Gibbs a plastic bag containing Tali's hairbrush.

"McGee, Torres, Bishop, keep pulling those records together I asked for yesterday," Gibbs barked as he led Tony to the back elevator. Without uttering more than a group, "On it Boss", the trio scurried to their respective desks.

* * *

The red digital "NEGATIVE" flashed across Abby's monitor. Tony stared at it in disbelief. The news was what he wanted, wasn't it? Abby stepped close and put a supportive hand on Tony's shoulder.

"Tony, there is no way you are the father. She is Ziva's kid, but not yours," Abby said softly.

Tony blinked repeatedly as the realization began to sink in that Tali was not his daughter. Abby noticed the confused and hurt look on Tony's face, and pulled him into one of her rib-crushing hugs.

"Oh Tony! Are you okay? I ran it twice, but if you want me to I can run it again."

Tony hugged her back.

"Nah Abs. It's weird, but I was kind of expecting it to turn out this way. Just not sure how to feel about it, you know?"

Gibbs stood by quietly in a show of strength and support. Tony knew he would be there if he needed him. After a few moments, he stepped forward.

"Abs. Do we know for sure that Ziva is the mother?" he asked.

Abby nodded.

"Yeah, I'm positive. We still have Ziva's DNA on file. She is definitely the mother."

Tony is both relieved and crushed by the news. He had gotten more attached than he ever anticipated was possible. What to tell her? Or Senior? Mostly, what the hell to say to Ziva? Was she a willing participant in some twisted charade, or was she completely in the dark too? After the damage done to Ziva by her captors in Somalia it was a wonder she was even able to conceive a child, no matter the father.

"Why would she - they - do this to me and to her? She's just an innocent little kid for Christ's sake!" Tony shouted.

Gibbs, the voice of calm and reason in any crisis, said, "Tony, this is Mossad we're dealing with. They play by their own rules. They will do anything to protect the homeland, including creating more Mossad. The Davids have a long history with the Mossad, even before Eli was the director. Ziva is well-known. I can see that they would want her offspring to continue the David tradition."

There was a long silence as Tony turned over flashes in his mind.

"Wait," Tony muttered. "I think I remember something. We, Ziva and me, were finishing off a bottle of wine after dinner my last night there. Two of her friends, some guy and a woman, showed up. It was after that I started feeling drunk and really out of it. I was totally fine, and then everything went fuzzy. I think they drugged us, Boss. The woman kept handing me drinks. The guy took Ziva away to another room, her bedroom I think. I remember being really tired and not knowing what was going on. I don't know how long this went on. All I know is one minute I feel fine, Ziva and I are talking, then I wake up naked in her bed. That's all I remember, Gibbs. I swear to God!"

Abby covered her wide open mouth with her hand.

"Oh my God, Tony. Are you saying the guy was sent there to rape Ziva? Get her pregnant on purpose and then set it up to make it look like you slept with her?" she asked.

Gibbs stood stoic; Tony shrugged then nodded.

"That's the only thing that makes any sense. I mean, I've been trying to figure this out for ages. Ziva apparently doesn't know any more than I do. If she does, she hasn't said anything to me. We talk, those rare times she actually shows up in Paris, but she's never told me anything. Hell, far as I know she thinks Tali is our love child, if you can believe that," Tony stated. "Question now is, how do we prove it?"

Gibbs shook his head and put his hands on Tony's shoulders. He didn't hear the slight gasp from Abby.

"No, the question is what do you want to do about it. Tony, that little girl may not be your daughter, but you're right; she is just an innocent little kid. I told you I would stand by whatever you decided, and I meant that. If you want us to hunt down and find a blood relative to take her, we can do that. Or, if you want to keep raising her as your own, we can do that too. No matter what, you are not in this alone," Gibbs said. He stared into Tony's eyes to gauge his reaction. He was not disappointed to see trust shining back at him.

Abby smiled warmly and joined the pair, wrapping protective arms around them.

"He's right, Tony. Your family is here for you - always. Whatever you need from us, we got your six," Abby crooned before placing a blood red lip print on Tony's cheek. "And can I just say for the record that you two are amazing together. You make a great couple. Just saying."

Abby backed up with her hands held up in surrender.

Gibbs growled menacingly, but did not back away. Tony blushed and looked down at his feet. They were busted and they both knew it, but didn't care.

Tony took a deep breath.

"Okay, so what's the next step then?" he asked. "She's a great little kid. The last thing I want to do is hurt her, but I do think she'd be better off with relatives. Preferably not ones in any way associated with Mossad. She's Israeli, half anyway, and that's how she should be raised. I don't want to take her heritage away from her. But, like I said before, I will not just turn her over to Mossad. I'll keep raising her as my own if I have to if that means keeping her from being turned into a murderous assassin, like her so-called mother."

"We're going to have to involve the others, McGee at least. Probably Vance, too. Anyone you don't want to know about this? It's all your call, Tony," Gibbs advised.

"Okay. Let's start with Vance. I'm sure he knows plenty of people in the Israeli government who can help. It would be nice to find out who Tali's real father is, but I'm not about to just turn her over to him without checking him out. If Vance can't help, we'll put McHacker on the case," Tony said.

Gibbs pulled out his cell phone and punched in a number, while Abby pulledTony into another hug.

"Yeah Leon. I need to come up and talk to you ASAP. DiNozzo is here with me. It concerns him. Okay, be there in five."

He turned back to Tony and smiled.

"Okay, let's go see Vance. We'll get through this, Tony. Abby's right, you have family here to help. Whatever you need. Are you listening to me?" Gibbs barked.

Tony smiled.

"Yeah, Boss. I'm listening."

* * *

Cynthia kept a watchful eye over who went into Vance's office. For years she had been his first line of protection. Even Gibbs with his swagger and reputation had to be announced. After Jackie Vance's death, she became even more protective. Rumors swirled as to why, but no one dared ask.

When Gibbs and Tony burst through the door to her domain she held up one well-manicured hand, effectively stopping them in their tracks. She held the phone receiver in her other hand.

"Yes Director. Special Agent Gibbs is here to see you. Okay, sir."

After shooting a suspicious look in Gibbs' direction, she rounded her desk and opened Vance's office door and allowed them to pass. Tony snickered.

"I don't think she likes you very much," Tony whispered to Gibbs, earning a smirk and a shrug.

"She doesn't like anyone busting in on Vance," Gibbs replied.

Vance greeted them warmly with firm handshakes and directed them to the chairs facing his desk.

"Good to see you, DiNozzo. How's Paris? Fatherhood seems to be agreeing with you," he stated.

"That's why we're here, Leon," Gibbs announced.

He turned his head and looked at Tony.

"It's your show, Tony. You want to tell him or do you want me to do it?"

Vance removed the ever-present toothpick from the corner of his mouth and dropped it on his desk. He wore a puzzled look.

"Tell me what, or do I even want to know?" Vance asked.

"You go ahead. I don't think I can get the words out," Tony said to Gibbs.

After a brief staring contest, Vance cleared his throat.

"Well, can one of you tell me what's going on and why you needed to see me?"

Gibbs sat up straight and sighed.

"Okay, Leon. You see, it turns out Tony is not the father of Ziva's daughter after all. Abby just ran DNA. No ID on the father, but Ziva is definitely the mother."

Vance's look of astonishment would have been comical in any other setting, but not now.

Tony and Gibbs spent the next 40 minutes filling Vance in on the details they knew or at least suspected. Vance's head was spinning by the time they finished.

"I'm not going to ask why now or even why you're back in DC, DiNozzo, but tell me how I can help," Vance offered.

Tony stood and paced the floor. He always did his best thinking on his feet.

"Thanks, Director. I guess I'm - we're - hoping you still have contacts with the Israeli government that can help us find Tali's relatives. She's a great kid, but I'm not the right person to be raising her. Not as my own kid, anyway. I want her to be raised in her native land by people who will love and take care of her, who will teach her their culture and religion. I'm really hoping we can locate family members with no ties to the Israeli military, and especially not Mossad," Tony pleaded.

"Think you can help us, Leon?" Gibbs asked.

Vance pondered the question for a moment.

"Does Ziva know that you're not Tali's father? And what if Ziva shows up and wants her back? Then what?" Vance queried.

Tony was nearly panicked. Gibbs was immediately by his side.

"No way am I turning her over to Ziva. That's what I'm trying to avoid more than anything. I do not want this sweet little girl to be raised like her mother! Director, I'll keep her if I have to, but I am not turning her over to a bunch of killers. Hell, I don't even know where Ziva is or where she's going to pop up next. She's not exactly Mother of the Year material, if you know what I mean. She'd rather be out kicking ass on some mission than taking care of her kid, who she basically abandoned!"

Vance crossed his arms over his broad chest.

"I understand that, but you may not have a choice in the matter. It's going to be nearly impossible to get around solid proof that Ziva is the mother. DNA doesn't lie. She has solid rights as a biological parent, that you don't have even though you've been raising her all this time. Do you have any idea who the father might be? We can start there. Look gentlemen, I can make some discreet inquiries, but this could get messy," Vance said.

Tony turned to Gibbs.

"We need to find Ziva. She and I need to have a long talk. Might need you, or both of you, there as referees though. Only she can tell me - us - who Tali's real father is. Then we can put McGee on it. If he and Abs work together, well you know how geeky those two are together! They could locate him in no time. But first, we have to track down Ziva. Did she say if she was planning on coming back here again anytime soon?" Tony asked.

Gibbs nodded while Vance cleared his throat.

"Actually, she's supposed to be here in a matter of days. Hush hush mission. There have been rumors of a rogue Mossad cell operating near DC and a lot of chatter. I'm her main contact. I can certainly let you know when I hear from her. I can set up a meeting," Vance replied.

"Were you planning on cluing me in on this, Director?" Gibbs demanded.

Vance stood and shot back with a stern, "Doesn't concern you, and if I remember correctly I'm the boss around here. If there's anything you need to know, I'll tell you. This isn't one of them. She's solo on this mission. I'm liaison between her and the FBI; your team has no involvement at all. This is the best I can do. Until she contacts me, I will be happy to make those inquiries to my Israeli contacts."

Tony stepped between Gibbs and Vance and offered, "Thank you, Director. I appreciate any help you can give."

He then turned to Gibbs.

"Can we get out of here now? I'm getting a serious headache and I could use a drink. We can talk strategy. We'll pick up take out on the way to your place. My treat. Sound good?"

Gibbs grinned and nodded.

"Sounds like a good plan to me."

* * *

"Who are you calling?" Gibbs asked.

Tony had been fumbling with his cell phone the whole drive to Gibbs' house.

"My dad. I have to tell him, Gibbs. He's going to be crushed, but I have to tell him."

Gibbs took Tony's phone from him and placed it in one of the cup holders.

"Let's eat and talk about what you want to do first. Then you can call him. He's gonna want answers you just don't have yet."

Tony smiled.

"You always know just what to say, Gibbs. Maybe I should have you talk to Senior for me. Get him to tell you where Ziva is. I don't think he'd tell me if he knew," Tony replied.

Tony rambled on the rest of the way to Gibbs' house. A large bag of his favorite Chinese takeout sat on the floor between his feet. He had a tendency to eat when he was nervous, so he ordered nearly half the menu. They would be eating leftovers for days!

It was half past six when Gibbs pulled to a stop in the garage and switched off the ignition. The Charger's cooling engine ticked as the garage door closed behind them.

"Where are you going?" Tony asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"In the house. We're here, DiNozzo. I don't know about you, but I am not planning on sitting out here in the garage and eating in the car. Besides, beer is in the fridge. Let's go," Gibbs said as he climbed out of the car.

Tony rolled his eyes at himself and followed. They worked as a team to set the table and unpack the food. Tony retrieved two bottles of beer from the fridge while Gibbs took clean plates out of the dishwasher.

Gibbs was surprised when Tony said he wouldn't be needing a fork.

"I finally mastered chopsticks!" he announced proudly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Big thanks to follower/reader Catti-dano for the kick in the ass I needed to get Chapter 4 finished and posted. Once I got back to focusing the easier it got to keep writing! Already half done with the next chapter, too. :)
> 
> Difficult conversations are had on two fronts, but Tony and Gibbs get support and acceptance as they try to figure things out. I must warn you: Gibbs gets a bit OOC, but you’ll understand why. The search for Tali’s relatives begins. Will Ziva show up and put a stop to it? Will Tony make the right decisions? Will Fornell come through with a good enough job offer to entice Tony to move back to DC? Stay tuned ... 
> 
> Disclaimer: Still don’t own characters or places. Still not making money. Still no copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Warning: Still not beta, so ...

* * *

Dinner was finished locked in a nervous silence. Both men knew another likely painful, soul bearing talk was imminent. Gibbs silently vowed to keep his promise to stand by Tony no matter his decision, while Tony wrestled with his emotions and sorted out the myriad questions swirling in his mind.

Between bites Tony peppered Gibbs with banal questions about the team, trying to avoid any landmines that might lay in his path. Teasing McGee while getting the lowdown on Nick were safe subjects. Though Gibbs wasn’t normally one to engage in office gossip, Tony was intrigued with his suspicion that Torres and Bishop might have something hinky going on between them.

Wiping his hands on a dish towel after tidying up the kitchen, Gibbs asked, “So, how do you want to do this? We can do it however you want.”

“What?” Tony exclaimed with a high pitched squawk. He couldn’t have interpreted Gibbs’ question correctly. There’s no way it was intended to be sexual in nature.

Gibbs rolled his eyes at Tony’s panicked expression.

“Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant where do you want to talk,” he said with a slight chuckle.

“Oh,” Tony replied; equal parts relieved and disappointed. “Can we sit by a fire?”

Gibbs stepped up to Tony and cracked a hint of a smile.

“Sure. We can do it in here, or by the fire pit in the backyard. Your choice,” Gibbs offered.

Tony snorted.

“Okay. Fireplace, but you have to stop saying “do it”. It’s putting all kinds of naughty thoughts in my head.”

After giving Tony a cautionary look, Gibbs set to work building a fire in the fireplace. He would have preferred using the fire pit outside, but the nights were still turning chilly and he didn’t want the additional distraction of worrying about Tony catching a cold. Years removed from Tony’s bout with the plague, Gibbs still worried about him. Ducky’s long-winded explanation about severe pneumonia and extensive scarring were hard to dismiss even after a decade.

Knowing it could be another long night of intense conversation, Tony brewed a pot of coffee. He reasoned that alcohol was probably not the best idea. It also gave him a few uninterrupted moments to gather his thoughts.

“Better keep our wits about us, don'tcha think?” he asked. Gibbs grunted in the affirmative.

Once they were settled in, Gibbs looked at Tony and waited for him to say something. Tony just stared at the fire as if he were intrigued by the dancing flames, so Gibbs broke the ice.

“Okay. First thing tomorrow I’ll pull McGee aside and get him started looking for Ziva’s relatives. At least we can get some names while Vance does whatever he’s going to do. I may have to turn it over to Abby if we get a case. I’ll make sure that McGee and Abby only talk to you or me if they find anything or anyone. If you don’t want Bishop or Torres knowing about this, just say the word.”

Tony nodded slowly, then looked at Gibbs and cocked his head.

“Do you trust him? Torres, I mean,” Tony asked. “You can threaten to beat the shit out of McGee to keep him quiet. Abby won’t talk, and I know Bishop is too sweet and polite to say anything. Palmer’s probably still afraid of you and I’m positive that Ducky can be trusted, but there’s no reason to tell those two anything yet. Vance is going to do what he wants. That just leaves Torres as a wildcard. What can you tell me about him?”

“Not much. We’re not exactly close, you know. There’s no reason to involve Torres or Bishop at this point, but if they find out I’ll make sure they keep quiet. Do I trust Nick? I guess I have to, in the field anyway. But I don’t trust him like I’ve always trusted you. Kind of like when Ziva first showed up. I don’t really know him, just his reputation. I don’t think I’ve talked to him much outside of work. I know he has a lot of secrets from his past and I haven’t pushed him to tell me about them, and I won’t unless I think it’s affecting his ability to work a case. Tony, we can involve as few or as many people as you want,” Gibbs replied.

“Okay. Let’s give Vance a chance to do his thing. I guess if the others find out about Tali, they find out. I can’t do much about that right now. Who knows, maybe Vance will hear from Ziva and he can set up a meeting and we conveniently just happen to show up. Problem solved! I don’t expect to hear from her. She never calls. Why would she? We really don’t have anything to say to each other. I am going to need to call my dad, though. Probably not tonight. I’ll call him tomorrow morning to let him know I’m going to be here a few more days waiting to hear back on job offers.”

“Speaking of which, when are you supposed to hear from Tobias?” Gibbs inquired.

“Tomorrow. Yeah, was supposed to fly out Friday and I gave him until the end of business Thursday,” Tony replied.

“You’re welcome to stay here if you don’t want to keep staying at the hotel. I know the Adams House is nicer, but …”

“I’d really like that, Gibbs. Yeah, it’s real nice over there, but it’s kind of lonely. I’d rather hang out here and watch you build a boat or something. I promise I won’t cause any trouble. I’ll call Fornell and let him know where I’ll be, if that’s okay with you,” Tony said.

Gibbs’ brow furrowed.

“Why wouldn’t it be okay with me? It’s not like you’ve never crashed here before.”

Tony blushed.

“Well, yeah, but it’s kind of different now, isn’t it? I mean, this time I won’t be here because of a busted water heater. I’m not sure what to tell him.”

Gibbs smiled and patted Tony’s cheek.

“You don’t have to tell Tobias anything. Whatever is kicking off between you and me is none of his damn business. Again, who knows or doesn’t know is up to you and me. That’s it; no one else gets a say.”

Tony was touched by Gibbs still entertaining the idea of “them”. Purely out of reflex he grabbed Gibbs’ hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Suddenly feeling bashful, he looked up at Gibbs through his long lashes.

“So you think something is happening with us?”

“Yes, as I told you last night. But if we turn our friendship into something more, that’s it for me. I’m not going to play games, and I trust you won’t either. I’m not going to deny it’s going to be tough, at least in the beginning. I’m not great at relationships and you’re pretty much a train wreck at them. Don’t look at me like that! You know I’m right,” Gibbs said with a chuckle at Tony’s semi-threatening narrowed-eye scowl.

“I wouldn’t say I’m a train wreck exactly. Yeah, I have a few minor commitment issues, but with you it would, will, be different. I already know all, or at least most, of your bad habits and all of the annoying things you do. At least if we’re together you can’t head slap me. That would be considered domestic abuse,” Tony replied with a cheeky grin.

“Don’t test me, DiNozzo,” Gibbs mock warned, effectively breaking the tension.

“Okay, so where are we then? Do we need to do anything to make it official, you and me?” Tony asked.

Gibbs slowly shook his head and he moved closer to Tony.

“Just this,” he said in a low register just before his lips met Tony’s in a beautifully chaste kiss.

There was no spark of passion, no urgency, no need to deepen the kiss or move things any further. It was a simple kiss conveying promise, but it was enough to make Tony’s breath hitch. The enormity of the gesture was not lost on him. With one ghost of a kiss, Gibbs made Tony feel safe, protected, loved, and home. He repaid the gesture with a genuine smile.

“So it’s official then. Does this mean I get to call you my boyfriend, or honey, or dear, or sweetie?” Tony quiried.

Gibbs glared for a moment before answering.

“Not if you want me to answer. And don’t expect me to be a flowers and candy kind of guy. Never been my style,” Gibbs announced with a curt nod.

“Yes, because everyone knows what a total romantic you are. Having three ex-wives says romance is not exactly your strong suit. Look Gibbs, you don’t have to woo me. I’m right here. I’ve never gone for the candy and flowers crap, either. I’m more a six-pack, pizza, and a DVD of a classic movie kind of guy. And for the record, I don’t expect you to be anything other than Gibbs,” Tony replied.

Gibbs grinned and shot back with, “Yeah, and I’ve never been one to talk about feelings, but here was are. I’m talking now, because it’s important.”

Tony sobered and fought back a wave of emotion.

“Yeah you are, and thank you for that,” he said softly. After looking down at the swirls in his coffee for a moment, he asked, “Gibbs? Can I kiss you?”

Gibbs smiled and nodded.

“You don’t have to ask my permission, unless we’re in public. And never at work or a crime scene.”

In the next moment as their lingering lips met again, everything changed irrevocably. A warm hug followed by beer bottles raised in a silent toast sealed the deal.

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Tony!”

“Okay, last question. The ex-wives?”

“What about ‘em?”

“Well, did you love them? I mean, none of your marriages lasted very long, so what happened … if you don’t mind me asking?”

Gibbs pondered the questions for a moment before answering. Tony could see the emotional toll it was taking and sat back to let Gibbs work through it at his own pace.

“You know I don’t talk about my girls, ever, but losing Shannon and Kelly nearly destroyed me. They were everything to me, and I wasn’t there when they needed me most. Shannon … that was love at first sight. Jack knew it, too. You know I was pissed at him for years for bringing a date to the funeral. What you don’t know is he was just as pissed at me for not protecting them. He loved Shannon and adored Kelly. Then, I guess, I had to find a way to replace them. Didn’t work. Yeah, I guess I loved each of them, at least in the beginning. But they tried to change me and erase any memories of my girls. I grew bitter and distant and ended up not caring if they stayed or left. Happened later, too.”

“Colonel Mann,” Tony stated.

“Yep. Walked in and caught her listening to a recording of Kelly singing to me. She took something precious from me, something I can never get back, and I could never forgive her for that. I’ve avoided serious relationships ever since, until now,” Gibbs said, favoring Tony with a crooked smile.

“I’ll never know the pain or understand everything you lost. I’ve never had what you had with Shannon, with anyone. Not even Jeanne. I think I wanted what I had with her to be real, but how could it be? Everything was based on lies. It would have blown up eventually, if my car hadn’t. It wasn’t her fault or my fault. It was the job, and I’m okay with that.”

“Tony, you’re not like any of my exes - aside from the obvious. You get me. You and I have already been in a relationship almost longer than any of my marriages lasted. We’re partners, in every way that matters. Equal partners. With you, here, when we’re alone together, I don’t want to be the boss. I just wanna be.”

“Yeah, I totally get that. You know what’s really cool about this? I don’t have to work so hard to get your attention now,” Tony said with a laugh. “That gets exhausting after a while.”

Gibbs laughed. Tony made a mental note to make that happen more often.

“You’ve definitely got my attention, Tony. Okay, let’s get back to the matter at hand,” Gibbs stated.

Plans were devised for the next day. Tony would call Senior first thing in the morning to fill him in on his potential job offers while Gibbs would set things in motion at NCIS. He’d check in with Vance then give McGee his secret assignment. Since Ducky would find out about the Tony-Ziva-Tali situation one way or another, Gibbs informed Tony that it would be better hearing any news from him instead of through the grapevine. Tony agreed knowing that Ducky would take any closely held secrets to the grave.

“Yeah. I was thinking about picking up Abby and Palmer for lunch. You know, have a chat with them. Palmer’s been a good friend over the years, and Abby is like a little sister. They both worry about me, a little too much I think. That just leaves Bishop and Torres out of the loop for now. Is that gonna be a problem?” Tony asked.

“No. We still try to keep personal stuff out of the bullpen as much as possible. We’re around each other enough as it is. No need to drag private and personal shit in, too. Gotta keep that separate. Like you and me. You okay with keeping quiet about us, at least for now? We need to focus on one thing at a time. Once this Ziva and Tali situation is worked out, we can start letting our friends about us. Deal?” Gibbs asked.

“Hell yeah it’s a deal! I think that bit of news tacked on right now might just kill them,” Tony exclaimed with a laugh. “You think they’ll be okay with you and me?”

Gibbs shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter if they’re okay with it or not. It’s not about them. It’s just about you and me. They don’t get a say.”

It was after midnight before they turned in. Tony rifled through Gibbs’ dresser and found a pair of worn but comfy flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt to sleep in while Gibbs set out a new toothbrush for him. Nighttime ablutions taken care of, they climbed into bed. Tony deferred to Gibbs, who preferred his usual left side of the bed.

Tony tensed for a brief moment when he felt the mattress dip as Gibbs settled on his left side and threw a protective arm over Tony.

“This okay?” Gibbs asked around a yawn.

“Yeah, definitely okay,” Tony replied as he pulled the covers up and snuggled into Gibbs’ arms. “Hey Gibbs, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you, you know, feel gay now?”

Gibbs scrambled to sit up and turn on the bedside lamp.

“What?”

Tony turned over to face Gibbs.

“Since we, you know, kissed earlier. And now here we are - in bed together. Are we officially gay now?” Tony asked.

Gibbs sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Tony, listen to me. As far as I’m concerned, sexual orientation, or whatever you want to call it, is just a state of mind. I don’t feel the need to define what we have or what we are. Call yourself gay or bi or whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me. We’re attracted to each other, right? So what if we’re both guys?” Gibbs replied.

Deciding to tease Tony a bit, he added, “But, ummm, you’re not going to suddenly start throwing glitter everywhere and dance around to show tunes, are you?”

Tony gaped. He knew Gibbs wasn’t in any way homophobic, so this play on gay stereotypes had to be solely for his benefit.

Turning cheeky, Tony replied with a sultry, “Not unless you want me to. Okay, I get it. No tiny little gold lamé shorty shorts or listening to Cher and Liza. Seriously though, you’re not even a little bit freaked out by this? I’m totally cool with it, because you’re my ultimate dream guy. The unattainable Gibbs! Bad ass Marine with piercing blue eyes. All of those women you married are crazy for letting you get away. But you’re mine now, so I guess I should be thanking them.”

Gibbs smiled down at Tony.

“No, I’m not freaked out. Ducky was right. Gender doesn’t matter. It’s just anatomy. It’s what’s in here that counts,” Gibbs crooned as he tapped over Tony’s heart.

“Damn Gibbs, got me again,” Tony croaked around the lump in his throat.

“I’m serious, Tony. You know what really made me see the light … the job.”

Tony sat up so he was facing Gibbs. The tone of Gibbs’ voice and look of determination intrigued him.

“The job? How?” Tony asked.

“We’ve been through so much together. I first realized how important you were to me when I almost lost you to the plague.”

“Oh my God, that was ages ago! Why didn’t you say anything way back then?”

“Shitty timing. Right after you came back to work, we lost Kate. We were mourning and still trying to turn McGee into a good field agent, and it became all about hunting down Ari. Tony, I was messed up and out for revenge. I thought a lot of Kate; I really respected her. Losing her like we did brought back a lot of dark memories. I only saw a couple of photos of the so-called accident that killed my girls, but those images haunted me for a long, long time. Kate … that brought it all back. You know I was messed up back then. I sure wasn’t about to drag you down with me. Then my former lover took over as NCIS Director, Ziva showed up with all of her drama, I lost my memory and temporarily retired to Mexico, then I came back to find that you were with Jeanne, and then that you’d been secretly working for Jen that whole time while leading the team, so I gave up. All of that, and don’t forget NCIS getting blown up, kicked me in the ass again,” Gibbs confessed.

Tony was gobsmacked to receive such a brutally honest confession. He moved to sit impossibly close to Gibbs and folded his hands in his lap. He bowed his head and asked so softly that Gibbs had to strain to hear him, “Then why did you keep pushing me away like you hated me?”

Gibbs’ heart skipped a beat. Tony sounded like a scared, abandoned child.

“Awww, Tony. I had to, for you and for me. I was broken again. Took so long to recover from getting shot. The pain was as much mental as it was physical, probably more. You had another girlfriend, your old partner. I still had questions about you and Ziva. I didn’t know what was up with you and Dorneget’s mom. I didn’t know if I could still do the job and still be me. So I pushed you away, hoping you’d find a happy life outside of NCIS. I am sorry for hurting you and making you think I didn’t care. I’ve always cared too much where you’re concerned. I sure didn’t expect it to play out like it did, but you finally walked away and now here we are.”

Touched deeply by Gibbs’ words, Tony kissed him tenderly.

“Thank you. I totally get it. I wish I’d have had the courage to say something way back then. Of course, like you said things have been nuts for a long time. I don’t think we could have handled getting together with everything so crazy. I guess what we’ve been through has brought us to now. Now we can deal with it, with us, and whatever comes our way. I’m in, and I’m damn lucky,” Tony said.

Tangled up and secure in each other’s arms, they fell into a restful sleep.

* * *

Tony was beginning to get the shakes by the time he placed the call to Senior. The combination of Gibbs’ strong coffee and nerves was getting to him. Paris was six hours ahead of D.C. It was nearing 1:00 p.m. in Paris when the call connected.

“Yeah Dad, it’s me. How’s Tali? You guys getting along okay? Me? I’m fine, but I wanted to let you know I’m going to be stuck here in DC a little longer than I planned. Yeah, had some interviews. They all went pretty well. Waiting to hear back about a couple of them. FBI and US Marshals Service look really promising,” Tony reported.

For the better part of an hour, Senior peppered Tony with questions and answered a few. He and Tali were fine. They spent most of their days at the park and shopping. Tali was an adventurous little girl who loved exploring the city.

Senior admitted he wasn’t crazy about the idea of leaving all that Paris had to offer to return to D.C. “What would I do? Where would we live? Have you thought about what it would do to Tali to uproot her again?” he asked.

Tony sighed and said, “Yeah, we’re gonna have to talk about that, but not right now.”

The subject of Ziva never came up, so Tony decided against breaking the DNA test news over the phone. No, something this delicate needed to be handled face to face. The question became when and where?

“I’ve got a lot to tell you, but I don’t want to do it over the phone. Dad, we really need to talk - in person. Yeah, it’s pretty serious. I’ll call you in a few days when I know more about a job here and other stuff. You guys have fun and I’ll see you soon. Okay. Bye, Dad.”

Tony snapped his phone shut and fell against the back of the couch with a sigh. He flipped his phone back open and dialed Abby’s work number from rote. She answered on the second ring.

“Tony! What’s up? No, haven’t seen Gibbs yet today, why? I know, right? He’s like two hours late bringing me a Caf-Pow! Lunch? Sure. Me and Palmer? That should be interesting. Yeah, I’ll meet you out front at 1:00. I’ll drag Palmer with me, unless they get called out to a crime scene. Okay, later Tony Baby!”

* * *

“Jethro, when you have finished pacing the hallway floors, please feel free to come in,” Ducky admonished as Gibbs kept triggering the automatic doors to Autopsy.”

Gibbs looked suitably abashed when he reached Ducky’s desk and sat in the adjacent chair.

“Always good to see you, my dear Jethro. You look like a man with something on his mind; something not work-related. I have time if you’d care to talk. Mr. Palmer has gone to lunch with Abigail and Anthony. I do hope I get a chance to speak with that dear boy while he’s in town. I have missed our banter, as I’m sure you have as well. What’s on your mind, my friend?”

While Gibbs struggled with what and how much to divulge, Ducky prepared himself a cup of tea.

“It’s about DiNozzo,” Gibbs offered.

Ducky took a sip of tea.

“I figured as much. Please, do continue,” Ducky stated.

Ducky listened while Gibbs ran down the news. He kept it business like, bordering on clinical. He reported on the DNA results, that Tony was not Tali’s father, and that Tony was waiting to hear about job offers like he was giving a sitrep.

“As intriguing as all of that is,” Ducky said, “what aren’t you telling me? I know that you and Anthony spoke two nights ago. At your house, I believe. Anything you care to share on that front? Have you decided to take my advice?” Ducky’s affect was far from judgmental.

Gibbs swallowed hard.

“Aw hell, Ducky! Yeah, we talked about it and we’re both ready to explore the possibility of being together - as more than just friends. But we can’t do anything about it until we deal with this Ziva and Tali situation. It’s gonna be a mess. Vance is contacting the Israelis for information and I’ve got McGee searching for any known family members. Tony’s thoughts are all over the place right now. He doesn’t know what to do, and I don’t want to push him. He’s vulnerable and I don’t want to take advantage of that,” Gibbs replied.

“Jethro. I’m sure Tony is feeling quite vulnerable at the moment, and as he’s done so often in the past he’s looking to you for support and guidance. He trusts you not to hurt him because he knows you are an honorable man. Just be there for him, Jethro, and things will happen in due course. There is no need to rush anything on the personal front while so many questions remain outstanding. As proud as I was of Anthony taking custody of Miss Tali, I am even more proud of him taking her family history and religion into account. He’s facing a very painful decision that will have long lasting effects not just on him, but on everyone around him as well. May I ask, what are Ziva’s thoughts on all of this?”

Gibbs shrugged.

“You know Ziva, Duck. No one knows where she is. Tony says they rarely see her and she never calls. They aren’t exactly what you’d call a family. Not a close one, anyway. I told Tony if it comes down to it, we can raise the kid together.”

Ducy scowled.

“While that is admirable of you, Jethro, I do not believe that would be a wise decision. You and Anthony have enough issues between you to be sorted out without bringing an innocent child into it. She would be better off raised with a family who can bring her up in their faith and with a love of their country, even if that means Ziva or the biological father is involved. I do hope you can locate relatives with no ties to the Israeli government or the Mossad that are willing to take her as their own. I do think that would be the best for everyone involved. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to assist you and Anthony,” Ducky offered with a supportive pat on Gibbs’ arm.

* * *

After placing their orders, Tony handed the menus back to the waitress. She blushed at his toothy smile and teasing, “Thank you, Cheryl”.

“Okay, spill Mister. Why are we really here?” Abby asked through narrowed eyes. “You didn’t just want to “do lunch”, did you?”

Palmer sat quietly with his hands in his lap, only raising them occasionally to take a sip of his drink. He didn’t understand Abby’s accusatory tone, but he didn’t dare cross her to speak in Tony’s defense. To be honest, he was just as curious about being summoned for lunch as she was.

“Hang on, Abs. You already know part of it, but I wanted to clue the Gremlin in on a few things. Gibbs is probably getting an earful from Ducky right about now,” Tony answered.

Palmer looked from Tony to Abby and back again, hoping to pick up a clue but he received none.

“You guys are starting to freak me out,” Palmer said.

“Sorry Palmer. There’s some stuff going on. Before I tell you, I need both of you to promise you won’t say anything to Bishop or Torres. McGee already knows by now, and Vance does; we talked to him yesterday. I trust you guys to keep what I’m about to say confidential. I mean, don’t even talk about it at work,” Tony pleaded.

“Of course, Tony. You know I can keep a secret,” Palmer replied, sounding a little bit hurt.

“Yeah, Palmer, I know you can and I trust you. It’s just that this is pretty major. Abby already knows because she ran a DNA test. You see, long story short, it turns out that Ziva’s kid I’ve been raising for almost a year isn’t my daughter. We don’t know who her biological father is. That’s where McGee and Vance come in,” Tony said.

He laid out the whole story for Palmer and filled in some missing blanks for Abby. Both pledged their total support and vowed once again to keep his confidence.

There was a brief pause when their orders arrived. As they began eating, Tony said, “There will probably be another bomb down the road, but this is what we have to focus on right now. Until we get some answers from Ziva or the Israelis, we’re kind of in a holding pattern. Personally, I’m hoping Ziva shows up with the answers we need so we can get on with our lives.”

Abby’s knowing grin grew.

“You dog! You keep saying “we”, as in you and Gibbs, right? Is that the other bomb? Oh my gosh, Tony! Trust me, you won’t be dropping a bomb on us. _We_ already know you and Gibbs have the hots for each other. _We_ have all just been waiting for you two to do something about it,” Abby announced as she leaned across the table.

Tony gaped then smacked a french fry out of Palmer’s hand.

“What is she talking about, Gremlin? Are you one of the ‘we’ she’s talking about?” Tony demanded.

A wide-eyed Palmer swallowed the bite in his mouth and took a drink of his Coke.

“Look Tony, don’t be mad. _We_ , well me and Abby and McGee, have been talking for a while. We didn’t think anything would happen since you took off like you did, but now that you’re back I happen to think you and Agent Gibbs getting together - officially - is kind of awesome,” Palmer said in his defense.

Abby nodded her agreement.

Tony leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Nothing is official about anything. Like I said, we have to focus on this other thing. And I’m still waiting for word on a couple of jobs. Supposed to hear from Fornell at the FBI today. I’ll call him when we’re done here. So, you guys are cool? Abby, I know how you get, but don’t. Gibbs and I need time to figure things out, so don’t go making a big deal out of it. We’re just talking right now, okay? That’s it … just talk,” Tony begged while pinning Abby in place with a Gibbs-worthy glare.

“Okay, okay! I get it. I’ll keep my mouth shut. I am so happy for you, but for my two favorite guys in the whole world, my lips are sealed,” Abby replied sweetly. Palmer just kept stuffing food in his mouth and nodding.

* * *

It hadn’t taken much convincing to get McGee on the search for Ziva’s relatives in Israel. Knowing he had Vance’s blessing - the closest thing he could get to a ‘get out of jail free card’ - he began a mostly legal deep dive and started compiling records of known associates.

“I figure someone on the list can put us in touch with Ziva’s family. We might get lucky,” McGee offered. “Hey Gibbs. Is Tony okay - with this and everything? I can’t imagine it’s been easy for him. I know he’s never been really good with kids, but this is different. Is there anything else I can do to help him?”

Gibbs patted McGee on the shoulder. He had sent Torres and Bishop down to look through cold case files to keep them occupied until a new case presented itself. He told them to pick a couple to work on until then. They grumbled their displeasure, but Gibbs noticed the look that passed between them as they were sent off to the dusty storage room in the basement where the cold case files were kept.

“Just be there if he needs to talk. Yeah, he’s struggling with some things, but he knows we are all here to help him. Just need you to keep anything you find confidential. You can tell me or Tony, or Abby if it comes down to it, but Tony isn’t ready to read Ellie or Nick in, at least not yet. Just be his friend and we’ll get him through this. Thanks, McGee.”

McGee nodded and immediately returned to speed typing as he honed in on a potential lead.

Meanwhile, Vance was busy burning up the phone lines calling his contacts in Israel. He didn’t want to contact the Mossad unless there was no other option. Unlike with Eli David, he had not established a good report with their current Director. It was vital to establish at least a modicum of trust, but Mossad’s actions since Eli’s death and current circumstances belied any good feelings he had hoped to achieve. The Deputy Foreign Minister he was put in touch with wanted to speak over a secure MTAC feed, but Vance begged him off.

“Due to the personal and sensitive nature of my call, we need to keep this conversation confidential, Deputy Minister. I’ll need another party’s permission before letting MTAC techs in on it. I hope you understand,” Vance argued.

“Of course, Director Vance. How can I assist you?”


End file.
